My Fiance wants to commit suicide- Help!?

I have been with my fiance for 4 1/2 half years. I have never cheated on him! This past month, I have been talking to a guy behind his back that lives up north. The guy and I were not talking about personal issues and knew very little personally about each other. My fiance found out and he went ballistic. I apologized and he says he is over it. He has become outstanding paranoid though. He has always been jealous but now he checks my emails, forum posts, bills, call history, & text messages about 10 times each a day. We have been arguing for the past couple of days & he has threatened to kill himself. He is a man that never cries & never showed remorse. A couple days ago when we were in the car, he kept punching himself in the head & left bruises. He doesn't eat anymore and skips class & work. Everytime we argue, he says that he is going to kill himself. He has already broke his phone out of anger & hurt himself on his forehead. I have no idea if he just wants attention or what? Help!
Additional Details
By the way, he always picks the fight. He finds reasons to argue with me and when we do argue, he cries out saying he has. He said he is going to kill himself about 7 times on numerous occasions. He scares me and automatically I try to comfort him. When he tried punched himself, I automatically hugged him and cried out for him to stop. I kept hugging him and told him everything was alright. Last night he skipped class and came home after he said he was going to do it once again, I went to his house with the kid I was babysitting to make sure he wouldn't do anything. I tried kiss and making up with him. I am so scared for him but I feel less in love him. He scares me and it makes me not love him as much. He always argues with me and says he doesnt trust me. I don't know what to do!

emeraldfire68	Sounds like a double standard to me,and as for the suicide ploy..sounds like it is for attention. I would definitely make sure that he gets some kind of help. He may need counselingand anger management. Turnabout is fair play, but there are consequences. Why was he talking to someone behind your back? That was not ok, and especially more because she was in closer proximity. It may have been wrong, what you were doing, but you apologized.And as long as there was no other contact there was no wrongdoing. I would strongly suggest that you not get married, if it is like this now , how is it going to be later on? I would feel violated too with the e-mail thing and phone messages too. I understand that there may be trust issues, but maybe too..this is a sign of things to come. Get help too, if you feel you need it. Find support in your friends and family. This is serious. I f you guys cannot trust one another then there is no way a marriage will survive. I think in some ways what you did may have been your revenge for what he did. Because, you can forgive..but it is hard to forget. He seems to be controlling too and that is not healthy. Another thing I always say is that a person can only be taken away if they want to be. Good luck, Hurry with the help or get out.

shan	I guess that he is very possessive in u...it seems he like u very much and he doesn't want u to talk anybody than him. Ok just for few days u concentrate on him and create some confident for him...like that u r only for him...and really u likes and loves him more than anything else...Tell him he is ur life and soul...like that and these words boost up him and it will just change his mind from the suicide attempt. Also when he start hurts himself stop immediately and hugg him....just a hug makes him to be cool and it reduce tension...take care of himself and don't hate him...b'coz i think this guy loves u very very much....u r lucky...Good luck

333tink333@sbcglobal.net	First of all shame on you for talking to another guy behind his back, but we've all been guilty of it I'm sure. I don't know any other detail of ya'lls relationship and the obvious answer is pre marriage counceling. But if he doesn't get his personal issues resolved a marriage will only be flooded with tears. You say that he has always been jealous and now he is violating your rights as a human being. What he is doing is considered stalking in most cases and you could even go so far as press charges. But let's not be rash, you love the guy I am sure. You need outside help and FAST if not from a councelor where you both have individual and couples counceling, or your family gets a thourough heads up, or police. you don't need to try to "fix" him or try to do it alone. The killing himself being a cry for attention...I believe so but you can NEVER disregard any threat of suicide as only a threat. I know that 4 1/2 years is a long time to be with any one person, but why were you calling another guy behind his back?? (as plutonic as it was) It could mean that you are looking outside of the relationship for fulfillment of some kind. Take a hard look at that. Are you willing to put forth all the needed effort.

keltillos	Sorry...upcoming moment of brutal honesty. I am a psych nurse, and a former paramedic. The man that you describe has severe and ongoing psychiatric issues. IF you remain with him, you will likely be abused more than you have been, probably beaten, and possibly killed. Get OUT of that relationship now, and never, ever look back.

realisminlife	First and foremost, I hope he doesn't own a gun. If he does, you should tell him to get rid of it or you will not see him anymore. Second, you need to get him to a professional. He sounds like he can commit suicide by what you have told us. Meds will probably help to calm down his rage. It sounds like he has some kind of mood disorder, maybe even skitzophrenia. Personally, if I was a girl, and I had a bf like that, I would break up without hesitation. What kind of life can you live with somebody like that? Think about your future.

ditdit	if he has threatened to kill himself he is capable of killing you. report it and get the hell out of that realtionship- protect yourself with a restraining order and follow through with it. Do not relent- he is dangerous.

aintmisbehavinat48	Please RUN dont WALK to the nearest phone!!! This man is truly ill right now.And like you said life is short but it is also precious. Seek help for him and then please leave there and you must tell him...preferably on the phone so he cannot harm you...that you have got to stay away for your safety as well as his. Just tell him it hurts you and that he absolutely must seek help.In fact like I said I would call someone immediately! In this day and age you don't know how he thinks from one minute to the next.I so hope things go well for you and talking to another guy is not going to set even a jealous person off like this I am sorry this just is not the normal jealous boyfriend thing. Just DO NOT STAY WITH HIM OK?? did he tell you what date it was he has in mind?If you can find that out it would be great. I don't get why tho if he wants to do himself in why is he putting it off again and again? Weird!

edandsheila@sbcglobal.net	He needs help, there have been a lot of positive responses on this, so please heed the advice to discontinue this relationship. Also, think about why you've allowed yourself to be in the relationship and what is it about you, that you need to change, to attract a healthier person to be involved with. Run, don't walk, AWAY.

fatdadslim	de-engage this fellow will make your life a misery

Tikled_Ivory	He is trying to control and manipulate you. He's doing it with emotional blackmail. "Leave me and it's your fault if I die" This is a very unhealthy relationship. He needs therapy fast. Would it be possible to alert his parents, pastor, teacher, anybody? You need distance. You are tottally buying into this unsafe BS. You're not thinking rationally (Why would you take a child you are babysitting to his house with this kind of drama?) You need to get away, get safe, and let someone more qualified help him. He's enjoying the control, the drama, and seeing his little puppet (you) dance.

JOY2648	If you have a bible and believe in God, please pray your way through this situation. Know one can tell you when you have had enough. This man cheated on you and you forgave him. You were only talking to the man you were talking too. I assume it was online or on the telephone and you didn't live in the same area. Get your fiancee a copy of Divine Revelation of Hell by Mary K. Baxter. Once he reads this book he will not want to even think about committing suicide. If he continues with these jealous rages, you do not want to be his whipping toy. You do not want to start off a marriage with this type of volatile relationship. You will not last another 4 1/2 years like this. A relationship is a two way street. Where are your fiancees' parents. Can they talk to him. Maybe he is/ was trying to find a way to leave you and was intimidated by the fact that you were corresponding with this person you were talking too. I am married this year 30 years and have been with my husband 33 years. I talk to other men and he knows and sometimes they talk to him. The guys and I have been friends for over 40 years. He has female friends and I don't get angry about him talking to them. Only one time I had to curtail a relationship because he was doing a favor and the lady thought she was in a relationship. She called one day and asked questions of me she shouldn't have when I told her he wasn't at home. She wanted to know who I was. When I told her that I was his wife she politely told me that I was his daughter in law. I laughed and told her that I didn't think so. She never called again. He was only taking her to the store whenever she needed to go. He had no money to give her. I controlled the big end of the money to keep a roof over our heads. You see a relationship is based on communication and how you start off. If a man in jealous up front, you do not want that type of relationship. As a married couple, you are considered one. No marriage is perfect, they all have to be kept in the spirit of God and you should never go to bed angry. If you have a mental health facility in your area please see to it that he seeks help. You can't force him, he has to choose for himself. Talk to a minister or priest, take him with you. As far as the young man you were talking to is concerned if it was just a pen pal write or not that is your decision. But talking to a person has never been cheating. We all have friends and associates before we enter into a relationship for life. Some we retain and some we let go. We mainly let go of the ones that were intimate. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. (from the bible) Please pray daily for your fiancee', yourself, and your relationship. If you believe in God, and I hope you do. Ask for his guidance believing and trust in his word. Best of luck to your and yours. These computers are getting a lot of people in trouble. We must think before we act. Always remember, what God has for you is for you and no one else. Whenever it is your time to check out of this world wherever it is you will be where God wants you.

Vaalea	That sounds like he's a control freak to begin with. I agree. 302 him (involuntarily commit him to pssychiatric facility). And if your state laws do not allow you to do that, get one of his family members to do it. If that doesn't work, call the cops on him and he will be institutionalized and kept safe from himself and you will be kept safe from him. DO NOT SHOWER HIM WITH AFFECTION EVERY TIME HE ACTS OUT. YOU DON'T DO THAT WITH CHILDREN OR DOGS DO YOU? SAME THING APPLIES TO PEOPLE. IF THEY ASSOCIATE ACTING BAD WITH A REWARD, THEY WILL BAD. The number one priority is your safety..not HIS.

Jen C	Sounds like he is trying to scare you into staying with him,being very controlling. Iwent through that same thing when I was 17. Stayed with the guy fro 2 years, big mistake he then became abusive to me. I fyou truely believe he will harm himself cal the local police or 911. Good luc and be safe

Sobekkara	Help em.... Kill em...

healthwriter	These are warning signs that he needs help. You should also get to know the type of person that you are marrying. It does not sound good that he is suicidal. You also don't want to marry someone who is overly possessive. A healthy relationship is one that allows each other to breathe. Threats and signs of violence and aggression are not ingredients of a healthy one.

Jennifer G	in my opinion, first off, i am sorry to hear that you are being put in this posistion, j/ w are you both beleavers in god?i mean just saying maybe you could use that as a reason to restrain him? Prehaps, if you both have been together for four and 1/2 years then, you should tell him that by commiting sucide that he would not only hurt himself, by getting rid of the chance that everything would ever get better, but he would also be hurting you and that would be something very self-ish to put someone he loves so much through, I think his big thing is that he is lost, maybe he feels like he isnt enough for you and is just paranoid due to his own lack of self confedence, Alot of people become severly depressed not only because of events that happen to them in everyday life but it can also be caused by a chemical imbalence, i only know this due to experence and i assume that everyone has a equal-libream that is supposed to be keeping all the hormones and chemicals in check, but like i said sometimes it gets out of whack, the only other thing i can honestly offer is that maybe he should refer to a doctor, as on the checking everything you do, if he is doing that then not only has he a lack of faith in you, but as well as some controling issues, please watch out just in case, he sounds as though he may need a little bit of help. I really hope things for the both of you get alot better and that you two will become close again. Best wishes, Jenna

jackbutler5555	Get him psychological help. If he resists, get advice on how to get him to accept help. If that doesn't work, get advice on what you should do next. Consider the possibility that you may be in danger. You are your Number One priority. Don't risk your life to save his.

Just here.	For one he is hurt. He was already Jealous....and you made it worse just by talking to a guy behind his back. You can't have those kind of friendships with guys if you have a fiance like that...sorry honey. 2nd it kinda sounds like he may have some real mental issues. Maybe you two should go to some kind of therapy together....You be there for moral support. It really sounds like his issues are deep. Anyone that punches themselves like that needs help. Wow. Just be careful. He isn't in his right mind right now.

Calista	He sounds scary to me. Do take this seriously. I think he need to consult a psychologist or something. His jealousy has conquer his mind, and he couldn't think rationally. Do something to show him that you love him with all your heart, care about him more and ask him stop hurting himself. He probably love you too much and do not tolerate any other guy in your life other than him.. All the best..

Byakuya	well, for one thing.. why have you been engaged for 4 1/2 years? that's gotta mess with your head.. at any rate, he sounds like a typical depression case.. he needs to get on some anti-depressants.. take him to a psychiatrist.. when you hug him after he punches himself, you are making him more likely to keep doing it.. he obviously is desperate for affection from you and is willing to harm himself to get it if that's what it takes.. really it sounds like he's just acting childish.. if you want to stop his childish behavior, just ignore him next time he punches himself.. and let him know that you are having a tough time loving him when he acts like that..

daisydots33	Sweetheart I wouldn't take the chance to find out if he is serious or not, he needs help and quick! This is not normal behavior, you have to know this. He obviously has some serious issues that need to be dealt with as soon as possible! My cousin Peter killed himself 2o plus years ago, he was the happiest kid, loved life, so sweet and kind to everyone; his girlfriend broke up with him and he became depressed, didn't want to get out of bed, his roommate didn't tell anyone and after the 3rd day Peter shot himself in the head, alone in his bed. His Friend has never been the same! Do you want to be like this? Live with the guilt if he does decide that he can't take it anymore and kills himself. If not for his sake, do it for yours! When he threatens it again call the police or the mental health crisis hot line or if you have mental mobile health, first call the police then them and the y will help you to help him! Be safe, PLEASE!

Shannyn	first thing he needs to get help. secondly you can not marry him at least until he sorts himself out. i think he may be depressed but he also wants to control what you do so you need to do something about it now and him seeing a counsellor is the best thing. if he really wants to commit suicide there is really nothing you can do to stop him he just needs to see psychiatrist thats the only one who'll be able to help.

ϐabyloϞiaϞ βaЯbaЯiaϰ	i think he has a problem 1st with, rage and anger, and 2nd ithink he has a problem with posessiveness and jealousy. plus i think he loves you a great deal, and feels posessive over you and is scared of losing you, which i think to some degree is natural. but i do accept he is acting excessively. i would suggest the both of you go see a psychologist together

curmudgeon	do not marry this guy.

Me	Put in a rehab before he hurts himself. Good luck!

NAQ	he probably feels like you cheated on him and destroyed his life. see if you can get him help.. some in-patient care might be necessary.

caretaker	get him a counselor quick he has anger issues the thing is soon he will stop hurting himself and direct his anger onto u YOUR SAFETY is at risk here

icecreameluvver	OMG ithink your fiance' needs help....that isn't normal for someone to do if they are suspicous of an affair. I think you should contact someone who can help him right away! abd try to comfort him in any possible way...thatg should calm him down until you can reach someone.

saphire18	He needs professional help immediately....that is not healthy for him or your relationship...call the mental health crisis line to get help or bring him to see a doctor to be referred to a specialist...you also may want to request counselling on how to fix your relationship....

Rhapsody	Seriously, you need to do an anonymous call and have him evaluated. It sounds like his mental state could lead to violence against you. Don't stay with him because he's threatening to kill himself. He's saying that so you won't leave him, he's using it to control you. You can either call the police and have them evaluate him or call mental health services. Don't ignore the signs of his mental breakdown because I've seen people get killed over things like this. It's best to keep yourself safe. ETA If you live together, go to a friend or family members home. Do not stay with someone that is doing this to himself. Also if you do make a police report (you can do it anonymously) make sure to tell them if he has any weapons in the house and that he's made threats of suicide.

Randi	This sounds very abusive. I think some of his behavior is very controlling. I think that your b/f has some serious problems. He probably needs to go to a Psychiatric Hospital. If he is unwilling to voluntarily check himself in you need to get him committed on a 72 hour hold. You can do this by calling the police and telling them you are scared for his safety and yours. A judge and the cops will sign the papers agreeing that he is a danger to himself and others. he will go to the hospital and be evaluated by a doc. then will be admitted for 3 days Then he will be reassessed by the doc. Hopefully be will get better, Be careful if he is suicidal there is a chance he could be homicidal, or become that way.