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me
Have I failed at life? (honest answers only)?
Please be honest, have I failed at life? Here's some info about me:
1. I'm extremely shy and have bad social anxiety, it makes it hard to talk to any people at all, order food at restaurants, I even get nervous ordering coffee so I never do it.
2. I have absolutely no friends in real life, except 2 people I talk to online. This has to do with me being shy/ugly.
3. I'm chubby, getting fatter. I never exercise.
4. I have ugly features, most people would say I'm ugly. I used to be teased a lot in school.
5. I have depression, am not getting treated for it cause i cant afford to.
6. I have no job, have never had a job. Whenever im not taking classes, I'm job searching, but I haven't been hired. It's difficult to find one because people probably think im a shy ugly freak.
7. I still live with my parents, i just turned 21. This wouldnt be as big of a problem, except I hate my family.
8. I've never had a bf, never kissed a guy either. (I know, this is really pathetic).
9. I can't drive
okay, start with the easy things. learn to drive. its not hard and you will gain independence, thus making you more social. its okay if you talk to people online, just try to find people that live near you that you can meet for lunch or go to a movie with.
who cares if you haven't kissed a guy? this just means you are std-free (psych!) and haven't you seen the movie never been kissed? she wound up with a hottie in the end.
being overweight is not the end of the world. start taking walks everyday. it will improve your energy level, your self-esteem, and weight. you may even meet people when you are out and about.
how about trying dog walking for a job? meet people, earn money, get out of the house, and lose weight. sounds pretty good to me:)
good luck and stay strong!
Ankhesan amun
No. You haven't failed at life. It's just getting started!
You need to look at what you just typed. Really look at it.
Most of what you wrote are things that YOU CAN DEAL WITH.
They are fixable things!
Without a job, you are isolated. Many people go through that - it's common. You don't have a reason to put yourself out there, so you don't. It's easier to fall down than to deal with it.
So, you are not going to do that. You're going to get out there, and walk around. Buy a newspaper, look in business windows for 'help wanted' signs. Walk around, and take in some fresh air.
While doing that you will be accomplishing two things. Looking for work. And getting some exercise. That will help with what you perceive as a weight issue - walking is the most natural exercise going and it doesn't hurt a bit. ;)
You need to investigate if there are any classes in your area, for public speaking. Shyness doesn't last long when you force yourself to do something like that. It will be replaced by confidence.
Depression? Who wouldn't be down with your situation. It's natural. You may or may not have classic depression but you can deal with that too. Look around for support groups. You can get some help there, and it doesn't have to cost. You might even make some friends, so get out there and do it!
Can't drive? Sure you can! You just haven't studied and gotten a license yet. So what are you gonna do about it? Study, do the test, and get the thing done. Simple. :)
Now...as for this 'ugly' thing. I don't know that you are at all spiritual or religious, but I have to tell you this...and it's truer than you realize: God Doesn't Make Junk. He doesn't. You are how he made you, whether you see yourself as pretty or not. Some of us, growing up, had to grow into our looks. Growing up I had red hair and freckles, and I was miserable and teased beyond mercy. That changed. I grew up and so did my tormentors. I think if you were to take a good look at the situation, you are reliving what you experienced in the past.....it's not what is happening now. People AREN'T looking at you and thinking "whoa, did you see the face on that one?"...you just think they are because your past has conditioned you to believe so. Do you honestly think that any of the kids who teased you, were raving beauties? I doubt it. They were rotten little snots with nothing better to do than pick on someone more sensitive than themselves.
It's ALL fixable. If YOU decide to fix it. :)
Take Care.
gospeldiva
naw girl you just too hard on yourself..you remind me of ME!!!!!!!!!!! I had to just start doing and going places afraid..JUST DO IT!!! you might feel scared to pieces, but just do it!!!!!!! and you will change! I didn't have friends either until I showed myself FRIENDLY!!! Just Do It!! I have a few extra llbs, but honey I still look good O.K.!! I still get looks..it's how you see yourself..and you don't see anything in yourself right now..it can change if you really want it to..but NOBODY is going to do it for you NOBODY! you have to change yourself..start saying something good about yourself everyday, if you have too every few minutes until you start to believe what u r saying about urself..if you are that depressed then you can buy some herbal medicine over the counter that will help you...no that is not pathetic because you haven't kissed a boy, I'm glad you are taking your time, because half of them have something anyway..just keep looking for a job, someone WILL call...everybody experiences self-doubt at some point in life..no biggie..again stop saying negative things about yourself..start every a.m. with I am beautiful, and I am friendly, i am of value, i deserving of love, and i am accepted..and yes I STILL say all of those things..you know why..(not to sound like all that) but I AM.. and that is the way people see me too..TRY IT U WILL LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!
♡ Wishful thinking ♡
Let me be honest with you, you're only 21! Your whole future is ahead of you! You won't fail until you're dead, and that won't be until 50+ years from now. Smile, learn to have fun!
1. Hey, i'm shy too, just practice talking to yourself at home or to stuffed animals (yeah weird, but hey, i've tried it!). And practice making eye contact and before you order anything, think of your lines before you say them! (Works for me!)
2. Just go get a part-time job and meet others! Then you can chat and become friends. Soon enough, you'll have lots of buds and it'll be fun.
3. Go take walks at the mall or park. Long walks are good for thinking, straightening out your thoughts and lastly, exercise! Jump rope is the best choice for losing weight!
4. I get teased alot too. I'm not pretty, but being ugly is not a sin! Everyone is beautiful, you probably have what we call "inner beauty". It's just something that others can't see, so you'll have to show it!
5. You're pessimistic! Just go outside more and let the sun shine on you. Realize how lucky you are to be alive and how fortunate you are to have food, shelter, clothing etc.
6. No, people don't think you are an ugly, shy freak, that's what you think of yourself. Keep looking, and don't freak out on job interviews or mess up on resumes.
7. Actually, pretty much everyone is still living with their parents at 21. I'm sure your family doesn't hate you, go talk to them and tell them how you feel. They'll help you out!
8. Same here. This is because you're shy...just talk to other guys and they'll talk back. You just haven't found your prince charming yet! You have years to come, don't worry :)
9. You can take driving lessons. Or just don't drive at all! My mother doesn't drive and that's not a problem! There's always public transportation.
Keep your head up high girl! Smile, giggle and have fun! Life's not about winning or losing. No one fails.
pam b
You haven't failed at life, you just haven't gotten one yet.
You really need to get some help.
There are free clinics that you can go too. Check under mental health in the gov. section of the phone book or call
social services.
Once you start to talk to someone who can help you you
are going to feel so much better about yourself.
It's what's in your heart that's beautiful not what you look like.
digger
1. Don't worry about guys (you don't need to be in a broken relationship. Fix yourself first then get a guy later)
2. Start volunteering. Find a pregnancy center, animal shelter, friend who needs help, and start helping others. Getting your mind off of yourself is a big step in becoming more happy.
3. Find out what makes you tick (not your fav food or tv shows)- what are you good at, writing, painting, reading? God made you with talents and skills not all of us have. A Christian church could plug you in. You could begin helping type up the bulletin or teaching the kids.
4. Get a job. You can do this without a license, though I LOVE to drive and encourage you to work toward saving for your first car and getting your license.
MKultra
You have a really silly low opinion of yourself and that's your real problem :(
I'm shy too and say silly stuff in restauarants. I'd never go to a restaurant by myself, that's not abnormal!
VERY few people have true friends after childhood. Friends online are normal these days. I very much doubt you're ugly but everyone feels that way frequently, especially at your age.
I very much doubt you're as 'chubby' as you think you are but excercising might help your mood as well as your body?
I'm also sure what you think are ugly features are nothing of the sort.
You're only 21 and looking for a job, that's OK!
There's nothing wrong with living with your parents at 21. And EVERYONE hates their parents then too!
There's nothing pathetic about not having a bf or kissing anyone - it probably never just came up yet. Why is that pathetic?
I can't drive a car either - so what?
Give yourself a little time, you'll be suprised how you feel in a few years
Mack
I would not want to be in your shoes so I guess you have failed in life. Sorry
but I can relate to you in some of those
-I used to be really shy, like really really shy
-I used to have no friends during many of my early years in elementary and middle school
-I suffered from depression also
-never kissed a girl, or had girl friend
-----
However Im very glad with my life because I have something to shoot for. I have goals. You need to find your goals and shoot for it.
Jenn
You have not failed at life! First step, stop saying that! If you are unhappy with the way your life is going, then do something about it. Get your license, start eating healthy and exercising (start small, by taking walks), Keep trying to find a job. Stop calling yourself ugly. What you really need is a confidence boost. Start doing small things like going to get coffee to face your fear. Go out and do something for yourself, something that makes you happy. You need it. You are only 21, you are taking classes, and you have the rest of your life ahead of you. You may be in a slump right now, but things will shape up! I wish you the best of luck!
Phineas
You haven't failed, but you are in the process of failing.
First thing you need to do is get a job. Something that doesn't involve customer service and has health benefits to treat your depression. At least you're in college, so that's a plus. You seem to be obsessed with your ugliness and weight. So try running and eating better, and go shopping for new clothes. Work on your confidence. Oh, and learn to drive, it's super easy.
Thing 1& 2
You only fail when you give up start with #3 on your list...
3. I'm chubby, getting fatter. I never exercise. Start excercising and lose some weight and you will start feeling better about yourself already
Make sure you take the time to do your hair and makeup ea. day and dress in some flattering clean clothes ea day instead of hanging out in your sweats what you are projecting on the inside is apparently projecting on the outside- good luck
Tip Anring
Well, you have good list of stuff you don't like about yourself.There is only one missing....You haven't done anything about them!! You have put up with this line of problems for 21 yrs,When do you want to start?? Which one will you approach 1st??Saying that you don't like it the way it is is ONLY the begining,it is NOT something that has been done!!
Hey here's a thought,Just say HI! to the 1st person you see and keep saying to people til you find one that has some simular interests.How 'bout you say have a nice day to the peole at the store?? Yes ,I'm overwhieght too but I'm still human and hey ,If you have 2 people to talk to....even on the net...you are pretty well off.
You probably will hate your family ,til you move out and the familair contemption wears ,them you can realize their real worth. GOOD LUCK,now get started and stop complaining.
Becca
Here are my answers to your statements.
1. Have you considered getting treatment for your social phobia? You need to see your doctor, get a referral and get some professional help.
2. I only have a couple of friends in real life and I have a husband and daughter. Maybe you should start chatting online more often as I think it would help to deal with your social phobia.
3. Ditto. I never exercise either. I wish we lived closer to each other so we can exercise together!! But seriously, not exercising is damaging to your health so I think we both should start off slowly, like taking a walk around the block or something? Get yourself an exercise bike and get fit while watching your favourite show!!!
4. We all see ourselves differently to how other people see ourselves. I used to think that I was ugly because I was bullied at school but then I realised, not everyone is going to find me attractive. Do you find everyone attractive? Btw, I bet you're gorgeous...
5. Getting treatment for depression here in Australia is free - why isn't it the same over there in your country? Have you considered talking to your GP? Maybe s/he can send you in the right direction and get you on meds?
6. What are your interests? Maybe you should get your foot in the door by doing some local volunteering or something?
7. When you get yourself a great job, move out. But just in the meantime, how about you try and rectify your relationship with your family?
8. I didn't kiss a boy until I was 18 - so what? You're just waiting for your Prince Charming.
9. So what? What's holding you back?
Take care hon. And please, feel free to email me! xo
Oblada
no i dont think youve failed at life. your only 21 for heavens sake. you can exersise, and gradually talk to people, just ry and talk. the worst that will happen is someone will ignore you. build up to talking. just a quick hi to start with, then gradually youll find it will become easier. then you can have a good conversation with someone and make friends with them. once your good at talking youll be able to get a job, then youll meet a nice guy and hell like you. your looks dont matter. somone out there is searching for a person just like you. you will hold that job and may even get promoted, you can buy antideppressants and move out, then your life will be great. just remeber that the lower the pit you are in, the higher the peak on the other side is.
☺ Sheepie
There's no such thing as failing at life, you just have it rough and you are really trying, aren't you? I think you need to build your self esteem. No matter how bad you look, you can always put some makeup on and try to look your best, and try to work with what you have best you can, and try to just be open and show that you really do have a good personality, you know what I mean? I don't think you're hopeless. You're young and you have time, and I kind of pity you, but I don't think that's what you need. You have a lot of work to do but I think that you'll be able to be who you want to. I'm sure that there are some great things about you. You have your own thoughts and opinions and I bet that you can really be a knockout if you worked really hard. Just start small. Maybe tomorrow you will work on your weight and do some exercise, and start learning to drive if you can do that. Keep working on it. Try to get a cup of coffee. Work your way up. I think you can be great. I'm shy and not so great right now either but you know what? Nothing can change unless you really try.
♥ Future Mrs. Joe Jonas ♥
seriously... just becuz u have those qualities, doesn't mean u've failed anything. why would u even ask if u've failed life?!?! ur here for a reason. try and find the reason! don't ever think that u have failed life just becuz u aren't talkitive or ur "ugly" as u say. step outside ur box and make things happen. they won't come to u. u gotta make things work for urself.
njagalamalaya
I don't think you've failed at life. You do, however, seem very negative about your life. I find that in order to make your life what you want it to be you have to try. It doesn't come easily. There are things you can change without having to try hard. You say you're chubby....go out for a walk once a day! It's hard to work on the social anxiety but you might want to talk to a therapist. They aren't all bad and they can really really help. Try to do it slowly...go out once a week and get a coffee...or go out once a week and grab lunch at a local cafe. It's a small step and it can be scary but these little things can change your outlook on life. Once you get more comfy with being out in public/taking to people it'll be easier to meet people and I'm sure that finding a job will become easier.
Good Luck!
KH
well, your only 21. Hardly time to call you a failure at life, you're barely getting started.
Being shy gets you nowhere. I used to be shy. Then I got overi t when I got older, you start realizing how stupid people are and then you stop caring what they think.
All of this stuff you can change. IF you are chubby work on that. Then get the job. Then learn how to drive.
Sounds like you are in a rutt. Nobody is going to take you by the hand and give you anything. You want a different life. Go get it.
Maria
FEAR will stop anyone from progressing in life. You need to start getting some therapy and start living life the way you were born to do.
If you dont seek any help from anyone you will live the rest of your life behind closed doors.
You need to snap out of whatever it is you feel and start feeling confident within yourself. You need to stop being so down and negative about your looks. You have to live life to the fullest and you are totally missing out on the good and positive things in life.
Please seek help with a therapist and start talking about your fears and what made you this way.
You have to believe in yourself and you need to stop being so negative.
Don't waste anymore time go after what you deserve and that's being HAPPY!
Good luck
Pinky
It doesn't matter if we think you failed,it matters what YOU think.
It's your life and if you want to live it this way then that is your decision.But if you are not happy then get up and do something about it!
You need to get help for your obvious depression and social anxiety and self esteem issues.Find some Free clinics to go to,or ask your parents to help pay for doctors.It would benefit you ten fold.
allthere
No, you haven't "failed" at life. Life is not an examination which is being graded. What counts is what you learn, what you try at, not what you "fail"at. The reason we are all here today is because someone risked being laughed at, some loner who didn't fit in, took a chance and ventured outside the cave. Who knows what wonders await you when you one day decide you will stick your head outside and take a look. Life is there waiting for you.
Here are some practical tips for achieving peace of mind:
1. Walk. Just take a few steps into the open air.
2. Drink water.
3. Eat green vegetables.
4. Eat fish and take fish oil (it's been shown to elevate mood).
Good luck to you.
Daniel
not if you have a talent... you can get really far in life if you know what your good at and stick to it
Lola
not at all...you need to conquer your shyness & make yourself feel better by getting healthy & getting fit...my younger sister is extremely shy but she joined sports teams & it helped her alot...maybe getting a job will boost your self esteem so you can make friends etc...good luck!
sexypinkhearts
you have not!!
dont despair alright?? you've just gotta try to open up more and stuff.. take it a step at a time!
plus.. you need to build up on your self confidence as well~ if you're unsatisfied with how you look physically.. then do something about it! ie. exercise!! you dont have to go outdoors if you're uncomfortable.. there are many kinds of exercises that can be done indoors.. aerobics and stuff..
i'm sure you'll be amazing if you believe in yourself a little more~
*as for those people who tease you.. screw them. who needs friends like them anyway. you can afford better!
Egg Chan & A Six Demon Bag
Im sorry, but this is way beyond my typical wise cracks. i hope you get help, you are a beautiful person.
:)
someday you will shine :)
Girlie
Well you'll honestly be feeling better about yourself if you go on daily runs or something, it's actually been proven. It releases things inside you that make you feel better if you exercise. All you have to do is exersice to make you feel better, be more confident (it can be hard but try) and just be happy you're alive =D
.
i think a lot of your problems have to do with the fact that you focus only on the negatives. in fact, i'm sure you think of them very often, you can even make a list of the things that are "wrong" with you. why don't you make a list of some positive things about you? it may be hard, but changing your life and lifestyle is about changing your mentality. you need to retrain your mind, so that every time a self-berating thought enters your mind, you say to yourself "no, i'm not going to let that in", and think of something that you like about yourself or about your life. it may take time and you need to be self-aware, but doing this can make you a happier, more confident person and thus more open to others.
livi m
nope,not unless you give up on what you want for yourself in the future....
waukeene
may the Peace of God that excels all thought guard your heart and your mental powers by means of Christ Jesus
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