texicangirl
|
If you really want to try and work this out you need to sit her down and talk to her (while sober). Tell her that you really like her and would like to continue spending time with her but you will not accept her alcoholism as part of the relationship. Tell her you want to help her and will seek help for her so long as she's willing to do her part. Tell her the only way you will stick around is if she commits herself to being helped and only if she gives it her 100%----NO EXCUSES. You can only do so much, it's really truly up to her. I mean if she's been an alcoholic for 7 years now, it could be allot worse than you think and whether you break up with her or not might not make too much of a difference. I wish you both the best of luck. |
|
shamrock girl
 |
How could you not have figured out that she has a drinking problem after being with her 5 months? If you've been with her for 5 months and havent seen her drink a lot, then its hard to imagine she is an alcoholic unless she hides it really well. |
|
Lightning
|
She has to help herself and make a commitment to permanently stop drinking. |
|
ferd
 |
Ask her if she is a nymphomaniac also.
Heaven on a stick!!! |
|
Dirty D
|
She's doin' all the hard work for you. Once she's good and drunk time to hit that. |
|
Master Kaushik
 |
hey, be a best friend to her and explain the cosequences of drinking too much alcohol
i dont say that liqqor is a very bad thing but everything has its own limits
always be with her and try to prevent her from drinking divert her concentration to other things she likes
be a best friend to her and later she herself will realise her fault and she would really wish to date wid u later |
|
STEPHEN W
|
help her if you love her |
|
overeverything07
|
I think that you should help her as much as possible. Its a problem that she is un-able to help. Maybe you should look up all the things it has done to people, including wrecks, and things it can do to your body and show her and tell her about them. But, i don't think you need to leave her over it, because you are right it could make the problem worse. And if nothing helps then you might want to see into getting her into some kinds of classes about it. Good luck on everything |
|
C B
|
She is not your responsibility. If you want to help her and she wants to be helped them maybe you could stick around for a couple of months while she tries to stop. I would say different if she were your wife or longterm girlfriend as you may have shared the problems that caused her alcoholism. As this is not the case I would be reluctant to spend time and money with someone who was a longterm alcoholic when you met |
|
Chris
 |
Please stay there and be there for her. I know it will not be easy, but maybe you are the one that can get here out of this. At least she admits it, and wants help. When I met my husband, he lied to me. He was on methadone (did not know as he was unsupervised and got 2 weeks at a time and he worked away. He ended up reducing himself, or risk losing me, as I am totally anti drugs, we moved away (not far away, but enough) he has been clean now for 4 years and opiate free for three. Today I have been with my niece, who is an alcoholic, but will not admit it. A few weeks ago we confronted her, and she came up with lots of excuses, BTW they are very devious and can hide it very well, even her husband didn't realise. She is still in denial now. To cut a long story short. If I hadn't been there for my husband, he would have still been in the same, place with the same people and taking wobblies and temmy's, blue's and green's and yellows. Probably a bit of crack. When my niece is ready, I will be here. When I met Kenny, he had been on something for16 years. Sometimes it only takes one person. If you love her, you can't give up on her. Sorry to go on, but this is something I feel very strongly about. She needs your help. Be her crutch. Good luck XXX
If you want, you can email me and I will help all I can |
|
Petro
 |
Leave her.
You can't fix her.
She's not your responsibility, and all she will do is make your life hell. |
|
Healing_Rain
|
You use words like disease and love after only five months. Question? Does she want help? If not the disease is one with no cure. The love is fresh,only five months new and you may have "feelings" now. But think of your future. What will you do when the call comes in the midnight hour,after you have been with her for years? Then it will be even harder. Love is giving up when you know you may loss something dear,even in the end. Get her help if she states "NO" get youself OUT fast! |
|
red lady-bird
|
Sorry but if she really is alcoholic, you sound young. trust me I have been around alcoholics a lot.....get out now.... |
|
Mr. Taco
|
Get thee (and her) to a therapist. Talk to her doctor about it, and get her involved with a program. If she won't do it, then I'd seriously consider moving on from that relationship. |
|
E E
|
If you love her you will hang in there, this doesnt mean though, that you ll always be there.
You can only help someone when they want to be helped and if they are willing to do right in their lives.
Hope everything works out. But If you want to quit, thats also the right thing to do, you cant solve others problems you can only try to help.
Best wishes... |
|
mJc
|
It is not your responsibility to worry about your girlfriend getting help if you break up with her. It's HER responsibility to understand the consequences of her behavior. Leaving her gives her a clear, no nonsense statement. The next step would be in her court. Besides - is this the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with and risk becoming the mother of your children? Nuh-uh... walk away and let her know exactly why. Then don't look back. |
|
brandy C
|
Unfortunately, you'll have nothing but problems. Remove yourself from the situation. |
|
northern lass
|
You can't help an alcoholic until they are prepared to help themselves.
She needs to see her GP with regard to professional help, she can't do this on her own.
I understand that you care for her but after only 5 months you have to decide whether or not she is worth it.
The cure won't happen overnight, if at all, if it was me I would walk away.You deserve better. |
|
john b
|
hi there, i can deffinatley help you as i once was in that position myself (being the drinker). you really need to sit her down as a friend and exsplain how you feel as it is causing alot of pain for you, the factor that you she has been an acholic for 7 years does not help as shes still drinking and needs proffetional help before the inevitable happens?. please do not hessitate to ack on this as it will only get worse. also try yourself to not drink and ask her (your girlfriend) to have nice cozt nights in with loads of fun involved that weould take her mind off the drink and onto you. make sure there is nothing in your home or around you that will promp her mind into thinking that she needs a drink as you will be back at squre one, in my own exsperience a tragerdy took place that told me that if i carried on i was going to spend the rest of my life in prison and have nothing or nobody to be there for me. i hope this helps you. please contact me further if you need more advice ( lucky704strike@yahoo.co.uk) |
|
Saint
|
get rid of her or you will never have a life of your own. you'll be stuck cleaning up after her all the time and picking up the pieces. It will be emotionally draining to you. She needs to want to help herself. If she doesnt see a problem and you do thats a BIG PROBLEM. Trust me on this. I know it sounds mean but you have your life to live too... |
|
casapulla2001
|
Once she sobers, she'll probably leave you.
So, relax.
Seriously, if you've been dating for 5 months and "just found out" then.. you're either wrong, overreacting (not all drama queens are gay), abiding by an excuse for something/other that happened (with her).. or, are just too straight-laced to see the forest thru the trees. Because a woman got/gets drunk once in a while, it doesn't mean she's an alchie & going to 'kill herself'. |
|
perko23
|
suggest AA, be supportive. Go with her
But you are only dating for 5 months
if she is unwilling to cooperate and change...
you don't deserver it
move on. |
|
pebbles
 |
Oh boy! Just let me tell you this. My sister is an alcoholic. She has been to us for help many times and she continues to go back to it. We have bought her clothes, taken her and paid for her doctors and dentist bills, etc. She swore that she didn't want to go back to that life, and she does everytime. Its one of the hardest things my family has dealt with. We worry about her continuously but at the same time, were tired of it and feel that there's nothing else to do. My advice to you is, if you want to put up with this behavior, then stay. If not, then leave. Yes, she'll continue to threaten suicide, but that usually happens. They never do. The bottle means more to them. You've only been with her for 5 months. She's been an alcoholic for 7 years. She's survived so far, she'll survive without you and you'll keep your sanity. Good luck. I know this is a very hard thing to deal with. |
|
L
|
talk her into going to rehab but she will not quit until she is ready so you may have to move on! |
|
jmiller
|
not sure if you wanna take on this load. best bet is to move on. but find her some help. |
|
A.Marie1 is lovin' life
|
I used to drink almost everyday from the time I was 12 years old to about four years ago (I'm 28 yrs old). From experience, there is nothing you can tell her that will get her to stop. You can threaten to leave her if she doesn't get help, but chances are she is so deep into this disease and will not falter.
You need to ask yourself if you really want to deal with this and hang in there. It took me getting 2 DUI's and losing some good guys to realize I needed to straighten up my life. It really is out of your hands.
Now you can try an intervention with her family, but she may not go for it. Let her know how you feel and know if she threatens suicide, chances are it's just the liquor talking. Alcohol alters your train of thought and controls every aspect of your life. She will seek help when she hits rock bottom.
Good luck to you and I wish you the best. |
|
SMO2
|
this is not something you should invite into your life. I would leave her. It is up to her to deal with break ups and emotional upsets. If she is that unbalanced, that your leaving messes her up, than leave sooner than later |
|
Blah
|
You found her totally drunk once and therefore she's an alcoholic?? This sounds strange, if she was an alcoholic people would have noticed...especially you. She just sounds like an attention seeker to me... |
|
jo :)
|
I have a friend who's boyfriend was an alcoholic. She ignored the signs. After 32 years of marriage she had to call it a day as he was permanently going to quit and never could. Their life was unbearable - they had to refuse all invitations to social and family events as he was too embarrassing to take.
Her life with him was very unhappy as he lived for drinking. he held down a good job - but only because it gave him his means to buy alcohol.
My advice would be to get her to her doctor and registered with AA. Give her time to get over it and come through the other side, but if she can't you need to seriously consider whether you can cope with years of this.
And don't for one minute think that you will ever be the cause of her drinking or getting worse. You leaving might be the trigger to get herself sorted. If you make yourself a victim, you could be in a worse condition than her by the time you pluck up courage to leave. |
|
Wage Peace
 |
Speaking from experience, alcoholics cannot just drink one or two adult beverages and stop. If you have seen her do this, she is not an alcoholic she is a binge drinker. Binge drinkers have an underlying painful reason that "gives them permission" to get totally out of control.
You are in a tough spot. If she gets to the root of her behavior and it turns out to be a serious repressed memory, she will either get professional help or get worse. If she intermittently remembers some horrific memory (post traumatic stress) and tries to drown it in alcohol, her reaction will remain the same until she chooses to get professional help. Either way, you have a difficult decision to make.
Worst case scenario: (1) she lies to you about everything to keep you in her life which is a cry for help but not your problem (2) she chooses to get help but sneaks around to avoid being caught (3) she gets help but gives up anyway which is not your problem either.
My suggestion, if you are capable of backing off your relationship to strong friendship the outcome will be worth the wait if she seeks help. Let her know binge drinking is a deal breaker for any future involvement together. She will need a strong man to protect her from herself in the very beginning of therapy, someone who can remind her of HER choice to get better. Make no mistake; this is very hard work which is why the reward is well worth it. In the end, your relationship may not stand the test of time but your friendship will endure.
Remember, it is important to put your mental health first. All relationships require hard work and communication. Nobody can boast about being perfect relationship material. However, some relationships are just not worth pursuing no matter how good they seem at times. |
|
| |
|
Homepage 
Health
Forum 
Mental Health 
No Spam
Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
Plagiarism
Not English
