ranunculusviridis
|
I quite agree with Malgorzata B and MissyOz. They both gave you excellent advice.Please go for help.
I would suggest finishing high school by taking the HS equivalency test (GED) or something similar near where you live. Then you could take junior college classes, maybe 1-2 at a time. That would result in an AA degree which is a start.
Please try not to be so hard on yourself, pingponggirl. I imagine you as bouncing back to a happier life and a job, bouncing, bouncing, bouncing...just like your ID.
My thoughts are certainly with you, dear ping. |
|
limoncello44
 |
it seems like you probably have some kind of social anxiety disorder. even though it seems like it will be really really tough for you, you should really try to get some help in overcoming your fear of being around other ppl. and even if it seems like your are always being judged really most people don't care what others look like or do its just that you feel that you are being judged.
best of luck to you! |
|
Mark H
 |
Self worth seems to be difficult to achieve,
however we are all God's children and He
doesn't screw up his creations. We are all very
special indeed. So please learn to value your-
self! |
|
Captain BP
|
You're a coward - to yourself. This isn't "judging you" at all - it's how you "see" yourself.
Believe it or not, the ONLY way out is "through" and that means for you to become your own hero. You need to get so completely disgusted with yourself - with your cowardness - that you "rise to the occassion" and become so determined to plow through the perspective you have of yourself that you refuse to continue to "hide" in a corner you've painted yourself into.
FYI: I'm 57 and am bipolar with adhd and several comorbids. I too spent my life in terror of other's and of being judged - finally landing me in such a terrified state of withdrawl and depression that I had no choice but to confront my own cowardness to stand up - to "own" the right to my own life as bent as it may be - to establish my own boundaries and borders and to "know" myself and to treat myself according to what I know about myself. That may require adjusting my lifestyle to my needs and being able to affirmatively say "no" to both myself and others when it's required.
Bottom line for ANY of us - be your own hero - do battle with the only one that puts you down and keeps you there - you - the "coward".
It's the voices in your head that just love abusing you and keeping you weak. Neslon Mandella stated once that none of us are doing anyone a favor by being "small". Be BIG - and the world is your oyster. Be small and the world owns you.
Be intolerant of yourself and replace those critical self-condeming voices with words of bravery and heroic determination. None on else can help you at all - it's all your call. Be "real" with yourself but use that realness to know where you can best express your uniqueness in a manner that you can "give" to the world.
Good luck - be brave. |
|
Shareen K
|
You have made the first step by realizing that this is a problem and affecting your life. See a therapist and a psychiatrist that can work together. Seek out some support groups often available through your community hospital or mental health agency. and finally set small relaistic goals each day and strive to meet them. You say you go to Starbucks each day, well lengthen your outing by 5 or 10 minutes each day or week. Finally work on getting your GED and going back to school for something that you feel will be rewarding. Only you can change things, whether it's baby steps or giant leaps, only you can do it. |
|
flossie mae
|
Child you are worrying too much.Lexapro is for anxiety attacks and I know it will work.It has for my husband.You need help so don't feel guilty.Please get help.If you can't work apply for disability until you are better.But the most important is to get the Lexapro it will help you.It regulates the chemicals in the brain which when they are out of balance is what causes anxiety and depression.Good luck Darling. |
|
spider
 |
I do understand a little about how you feel but not to the extreme you are going through. You could use well a life coach. Services are available to help with this kind of disability and it is a disability. I think it would help to get a diagnosis to find the root cause so you can get the right kind of help. Most Universities in America have free programs that can offer a way to explore and expose the root cause of your anxiety. you do seem to feel intense inadiquacey and a life coach can help give you courage and confidence.
I am currently employeed with a company that helps educate and coach adults with disabilities. If you think I can help or want to know more email me I would be more than happy to assist. |
|
CinderBlock
|
Face them NOW, and be honest. Tell them you've been going thru a rough time, and you're struggling to overcome. You'll be surprised how supportive they will be. Years from now, when you're on top of the world, you will reminisce with them about how low you sunk, and how grateful you are that they helped boost you out of that hole. Maybe you will have the opportunity to return the favor, who knows? |
|
Troy C
|
As far as the employment situation goes, become a freelance writer. Seriously. Your question is very well stated and constructed, and writing is something you could work at from home. You might want to consider it. |
|
emt_me911
 |
Well...there are several people on here who certainly are not helping you feel any better.
Please reconsider extensive inpatient treatment. This time, you need to be completely honest about how you feel about yourself and not "hide behind a happy face". Therapy only works if you face your problems and work with someone to overcome them.
At the very least, you need to be in some type of therapy program. I'm thinking that you may have social anxiety disorder, for starters. It probably goes deeper than that but it gives you a starting point. Also, how far in school did you go? Did you graduate from high school? If not, this might be a good time to see about going back. If you succeed...and I hope you do...it would give you a much-needed boost to your self confidence and self esteem. You can look into options about obtaining your GED. If you did finish high school, look into a local technical college. Most offer placement testing to see where your strengths lie in order to help you choose a career path.
Help IS available. The question is, are you brave enough to ask for it? You are one of many people who feel the way you do. It can be dealt with...it can be overcome. However, no one can do that for you. It's something that you will have to work for. It will take time and it will be hard, but it CAN be done.
Best of luck to you. I sincerely hope you seek the help you so desperately need.
EMT |
|
somethingtrinity
|
I know exactly how you feel. It as though you were writing my story. I was on medication and it helped alot. I did not have the panic attacks and was able to socialize. I even volunteered at a hospital in their gift shop. It may take some time to find the right medicine, but please keep trying. Try finding someone to talk to, this will help alot. Someone that will listen and validate your anxiety and fears. They are real to you and run your life. You are going to be okay. I'm praying for you too. |
|
Tashia
|
My neighbor has nearly the same issue and she's on disablitly. Try to get disablity bennifits? Even you truely can't work than you should be entitled to it! Talk to your doctor about your problems and bring it up.
If you enjoy writing you could try to be a freelance writer? This is a good website to start with
www.associatedcontent.com |
|
phil d
|
you need to look in the phone book and find a phycologist that specializes in rational cognitive therapy you want need any medication believe me it works it did for me. don't give up sometimes it takes two to three doctors to find the right one.but when you do you ll know it.Phycologist do not prescibe medications. GOOD LOOK the best is yet to come and you will get over your fears easily. |
|
Tess
|
O.k....first of all you need to take a big deep breath....it's not the end of the world...and you will get out of this.
The first thing is that you have accepted and acknowledged that you have a problem which is fantastic.
I think you should really go and see someone because it's going to be a little bit of a process that you will need to work through to get out of what you have...so not necessarily a psychologist but maybe a counsellor...
Also, what I can tell you, is that you need to work through you fear; I honestly believe that fear is THE biggest factor in our lives that holds us back.
As far as a job is concerned...and you seem to be pretty switched on (depsite your anxiety) is to maybe work in a call centre...where you don't have to see people face to face...and make good money at the same time.
Try to stop feeling sorry for yourself and victimising yourself for the way you are...everyone can change as long as they want to ..and I know you do! |
|
dr_m_vannostrand
|
Well...if your boyfriend and his parents care about you, they should understand that what you're dealing with is a very real thing and not something you've fabricated or brought upon yourself. Anxiety disorders can be quite debilitating and as such, require large amounts of patience and support from loved ones to deal with on a daily basis. You sound very intellegent and aware of your condition and it's subsequent pitfalls. Just continue to seek medical help...sometimes it takes awhile to find the right medication for your specific disorder. Most importantly -- don't get down on yourself worrying about everyone else's perception of you. You did not choose to have these feelings. Everyone in your life should care enough about you to be committed to helping you beat this thing. If that's not the case, surround yourself with people that are willing to support and help you.
As for what you'll tell a perspective employer...just tell them you had some personal matters to attend to. They should understand that. |
|
mac&cheese
|
There is nothing to be ashamed of for having problems. Clearly you want to get help and get better. Good for you. I have had panic attacks before and I was so embarassed and ashamed but I'm not now. Just the same,I'm not going to announce it to the mountain tops because some people who have never experienced it just don't understand. First don't give up; talk to your doctor again. Will your insurance pay for therapy? Maybe a therapist could give you some good practical advice and support. Secondly it seems like your upset about your lack of education. Don't be, do something positive for yourself. Community colleges offer many classes at really reasonable rates. They have trade classes too if that's what you'd prefer. What do you really love? Find a job that has something to do with that area. If you are looking for a four year college try Berea College in KY. They are on the web. I went there. There is no tutition for students. In fact they won't accept you if you make too much money. They are more than willing to help if someone really wants to do their part. Think about getting education. I have a BA degree but it's not in the field I want to work in. So for the last two years I have been getting certified in the field I want. I have three kids and work full time. It has been really hard. My family has helped. Seek help from those who love you. Really explain the situation and don't give up. There are few easy answers to life's problems but then again if something is worth having it is worth working for. Don't ever be ashamed of having anxiety issues. Should someone be ashamed of having asthma or diabetes? No. As for future job interviews. Ask your doctor for advice. No one has any right to hold it against you if you are willing to work once you feel better. Bless you. I hope this helps a little. In my state you can take classes for the GED for free. Maybe they have online classes. Look them up email them. Get some info. Talk to someone who will cheer you on. Don't give up. |
|
majnun99
|
I'm kind of surprised that you didn't finish highschool--you type well, you have a good vocabulary and I didn't notice any misspelled words.
Try to go to a doctor again and explain your anxious feelings and hopefully they can find a medication that works better.
You seem to be pretty smart--try getting a job with a temp agency doing typing and filing or something like that.
After that you really should look at getting your GED and going to college.
I was in a similar situation, out of work for years, depressed, women didn't want anything to do with me. I finally got treatment, and went back to college and got a degree. Now I'm 50, I've been doing the same kind of job (that I like) for 20 years and I can retire in about five years. I have also been married for 15 years and my house and car are both paid for. I'm not rich or anything like that, but I really like my life now.
It can get better, I'm living proof. |
|
?
|
It sounds like you have anxiety problems. Call a doctor and they can recommend you to someone who can help you figure this out. Living like that is no way of living and I really hope you can sort this all out. good luck |
|
Hung Up
 |
Wow, that's heavy stuff. You might want to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist simultaneously. They could possibly help you get back on your feet, and maybe even provide you with some help in finding a job. As for your family and friends, tell them that you were having a little trouble in your life but now your trying to fix it. Hopefully they'll be understanding and try to help.
Another thing you have to keep in mind is that the negative thoughts you have about yourself are not helping you in anyway. You teach people how to treat you, and if you think nothing of yourself than that's what people will think of you too. I know what its like to be very uncomfortable around other people, but if you stay in this cycle then you'll never get to see what the world has to offer you. And your also depriving people of getting to know you and finding out what your thoughts and ideas are. |
|
TEA
 |
Having anxiety and/or depression is not something to be ashamed of. It is a disorder that you cannot help, but you can get treatment for.
You need to talk to a doctor about this and the anti-depressants you've taken in the past without success. Being honest with your doctor about everything will be the best help to getting you on the proper medication and getting the proper treatment and/or therapy. Unfortunately, antidepressants can require some trial and error. I was treated with several medications before the right one for me was found.
Once you get get on the right track health-wise, then you can start thinking about employment. Maybe going back to school would be a better option. You may be eligible for grants to get your education. Since you don't like going out in public, many schools offer online programs.
When you have to explain your unemployment to a potential employer, explain that you were being treated for an illness during this time and could not work. You do not need to elaborate any further.
I wouldn't even worry about "explaining" yourself at this point. Right now you need to focus on getting yourself well.
I wish you the best! |
|
tan_girl
 |
Maybe you should consider consulting your physician again to see what he/she would recommend. Your situation seems like a very difficult one to deal with. As far as being unemployed, have you considered possibly seeking a job where you can work from home? How does your boyfriend feel about this? Is he one of the only people you feel comfortable around? I would strongly suggest you seek your physician's advice before anything else. Good luck to you! :-) |
|
Cara and Dave
|
Dang, are you my twin? Try Xanex it really helps me in social settings or when I'm really anxious for no reason |
|
suse
|
sounds like you need to see someone. this is not going to go away w/o you taking action. meds are a big part of getting back in to the world. sometimes it may take more then one med to help. good luck! |
|
roj
|
Whoa! Now that's a heavy load! Sweetheart first thing you need to do is breathe! Long slow breathes in and out.
Now, Please don't try to tackle all of this emotion at once. Break it down one problem at a time. Deal with each issue separately. You can't get a job in your state of mind so don't try right now.
Find some peace in your life wherever you can. Try to ask for help from a person you trust who will not judge you. If you can't afford a therapist try a minister or your doctor.
DON'T worry about everyone else and what you think they think. That will not help you.
Get yourself right again and the rest will fall into place.
Good luck! |
|
Katykins
|
I am thinking an inpatient recovery program may be most helpful for you right now. It will help you figure out exactly what is wrong and find ways to either cure or control it, and it will give you legitimate reason for long periods without employment--you were ill and needed medical attention. Emotional illness is just as serious as physical illness and the sooner you address it, the sooner you can emerge to a normal life. Go take care of yourself and try not to worry so much what others think of you. Good luck and God bless you. Knowing something is not right and wanting to change it is half the battle. And if you do not have the finances to get medical help, explain this to the facility you want help from. They will be able to help find a program wihin your means. It is illegal for the medical society to turn anyone in need down because they do not have the money. |
|
Malgorzata B
|
I think you should seriously consider talking to a profesional. And don't take it the wrong way. I am not saying that you are crazy or antything like that. I just think that you need help. It sounds like you are slightly depressed and the fear issues are not helping. I think that if you would find somebody who would listen (and not judge) it could really help you.
And about the job thing, if I were you I would start with anything I can get. Like you mention waitressing, give it a shot, even if it is for a little while. Any money is better than nothing. ONce you start making something you can start looking for soemthing better. Maybe having a job would make you feel better about yourself, you know like you are doing something with your life instead of being stuck in one place.
Good luck |
|
#girl
|
You may lack a formal education, but your writing shows that you are educated. Moreover, you have retained and used your advanced knowledge. That is something you can be proud of.
Is there a reason that you can't go back to school to obtain the education required for the jobs you really want? If the reason is your agoraphobia, you need to talk to your psychiatrist so that you can try other medications (or combinations of medications).
When you go to a job interview and you are asked about the long period of unemployment, just say that there was a medical issue in your family that has been resolved. If the interviewer is unprofessional and then asks what the medical issue was, just say that it was a personal matter that has no bearing on the position for which you are applying. (It's nobody's business but yours.)
In regard to the bf --- if you have doubts, maybe you subconsciously know that he is not the right bf for you.
I wish you well, Honey. |
|
care
|
I 1000% understand what u are saying!
you have been unemplyed for a year? let me tell you this i have been in your situation for around 4 years! i have been looking for a job on and off for 4 years without any success. I run away from people who ask me the question So What Do U do for living? I have the same thing that is being so nervius around people , when i go to job trainings and the boss is explaining the situation to me I feel like im sleeping and by the time i wake up he's finished so i don't get anything!
But i don't hate my self because i see the good things i have in my life, i am extremely lucky in relationships, with my parents or husband, i wanted to move to somewhere far i did that, wanted to loose weight i did that...
Moral of the story is dont look at what you don't have look for the things in your life that are missing from others lives. you need to change things on yur inside first. Stop thinking about this I dont have a job thingy, just stop caring, take the job interviews and trainings as a learning experiance, do not be desperate, just give up but not in a negitave way...u'll see a huge differance in your life, tell urself : i dont need a job to be happy, im already happy. i need a job to be financially stable and fill my time,that's it. |
|
MissyOz
|
Hello
You really need to speak to your doctor - you sound like you have some kind or agoraphobia/panic attack disorder/depression. Medication and group therapy/councelling will be beneficial . Tell your boyfriends parents the truth - you didn't ask to feel this way. I believe the best thing is to explain this condition to the important people in your life - so they understand.
Best of luck. |
|
hombrejusto
|
You mentioned that you have taken antidepressants, but you have not indicated if you are still seeing a doctor. It sounds like your fears are very real and that they are preventing you from living your life as you would like. It would probably be best for you to consult with a psychiatrist and ask him/her to read your letter. Maybe you need a different medication or a different approach to therapy. Please consider seeing a professional soon about this. You wil be much happier once you get the help you need. Best wishes! |
|
Moonface
|
Hi, sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. You really shouldn't! I'm unemployed too! And I've got my head held high! Being in a relationship is about supporting each other, so don't think you are a 'user'.
I know that you have tried therapy, but please, please, please try Cognitive Behavorial Therapy. CBT is proven to be the most effective thing for panic attacks, agorophobia and anxiety etc. It takes a bit of work, but it is super effective. (After 15 years of panic attacks and social anxiety, mine stopped completely). You can speak to your doctor about taking a course or you can take a course for free online at: www.livinglifetothefull.com As you are at home alot, you can really dedicate the time to making yourself better! It'll be time well spent!
In addition, the following steps will eliminate (or at least significantly reduce) your panic attacks:
1. Breathe properly - if you control your breathing, you control panic. As soon as you notice the signs of anxiety, check your breathing: breathe in slowly through your nose pushing your tummy out (to the count of 5 or so). Breathe out slowly and for a bit longer (to the count of 7 or so) through your mouth. Do not breathe rapidly or shallowly (in the chest area). This will soon restore the balance of oxygen and you will feel a lot better.
2. Try relaxation exercise tapes (progressive muscular relaxation). They really help if you practise often enough. You can get free downloads in you put "progressive muscle relaxation" into Google (e.g. lots of universities have them as free downloads)
With each step practise makes perfect. (i.e. practise the steps every day, not just when you are feeling bad).
Also you don't need to 'explain' yourself to anyone. I don't. And if I feel pressure to say something, I say I'm taking some time out from the workplace. As for what you can say to prospective employers:
1. I was sick.
2. I was writing a novel (start writing one and it's not a lie).
3. I was travelling (travel somewhere and it's not a lie)
4. You were looking after a relative
I hope you feel better soon. Best of luck! |
|
| |
|
Homepage 
Health
Forum 
Mental Health 
No Spam
Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
Plagiarism
Not English
