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pinky
My 9 yr. old wants to kill me, stab me, what do I do? He says he hates me.?
What do I do? been to therapy, on meds, won't stop, screams in the house, takes a pen & wants to jab me w/ it, calls me names, we just got out of therapy & he says I am not going to fricken listen to her. He is getting worse & won't stop w/ the mouth. He slapped a girl in school on Monday, the parents went to the police, (they didn't do anything) & the principal called me. School is working w/ him cuz he has ADHD, Impulsivity & can be a sweet kid but around me he is a monster, dad is out of town, told the dad he can have custody but what do I do in the mean time until the dad takes him? no family to send him to oh please someone help, I am getting scared now cuz I don't know what he is going to do and I had to hide all my knives. He is on adderall, clonidine & risperdall. No psy. doctor right now til 5/3/08. State is no help, do I put him in foster care???? I am only 44 and he is physically making me sick just w/ his screaming, banging. Had in the hospital 2 times Oct. & Dec.
let him do it.he wont.
when he goes bad do not pay any kind of attention.
open_minded_grl
THis kid might seem crazy but I bet thta deep inside, ehs dying.
NOt literally but he seems relaly sad and unloved.
SHo him he can't impress you with hisscreaming.
DOnt jsut get rid of him like eveeryone else did.
care for him and trust me, in some weird way, hell start to love you
Ashlee.
Hmm.. I wish I had some adderall right now..
Ok, so about your question, don't run away from the problem, your child needs your help. The screaming giving you a headache is your own fault; You raised him like that.
I say you give him a good slap when he talks to you like that, you need to show that little demon who the boss is!
I_got_the_wow_effect
Well he thinks he can do that to u because u r letting him take advantage of u. Put him in a room and take all the harmful stuff away and speak to him in a harsh tone he needs to realize that u r his mother and he can't control u and that his just a child. Let him stay in the room and do not open it, till he calms down
Huera
Truthfully, why did you let the problem get so out of control? I'm not blaming you specifically, but you and his father are the adults....he is a child.(I know, duh...lol)
But how did he get so out of control, that you can no longer handle him?
Obviously, your child knows you are afraid, and is using it to his advantage. He's in control now, not you.
Be the parent, and correct him...it's never too late to start, but don't let it get any further.
As for foster care....I hope your joking. And stop using meds and ADHD as an excuse to not parent. Be the bigger person, and take control. Talk to your son, and correct him.
And starting taking his feelings into consideration. He's a child...he may be just as scared and confused as you are, but maybe he doesn't know how to express himself.
Think about it.
Well hope all works out for you, but especially for him.
Sabrina
I'm sorry to here that but that's very hard to take in but much worse to experience. Try putting knives, forks and sharp things out of reach and replace them with plastic things. Give him something to do like a sport or a game. Do things with him like dress up and try to include how hard things hurt. Do not give up because he will be worse to the new family. Try putting him in a rehab for children center usually in hospitals its only for a few weeks. If they let you visit him often. Take away something he likes until his mouth gets better. Reward him with things for being good. show some backbone and stick up for yourself and show him who's boss. You should also read one of Dr. Phil's books on children.
Jeff
Super nanny or some type. Make sure he knows you wont tolerate that kind of talk no matter what condition he has disrespect especially towards his mother is unexceptable. You are not his best friend you are his mother and he needs to learn respect. Disciplinary action must be taken. Lock up all the knives or put them where he can reach them (for both of your safety) And make sure no guns or anything else he can possible harm someone with are not in his reach. His words and actions follow what he sees and hears so supervise the movies he watches and be careful of the people you bring him around. And don't respond to his screaming he knows that by doing that he has you at your weak point. don't give up. If you don't fix this problem now your son might live a life of violence and could cause injury to other including himself. I suggest watching some super nanny shows or some sort you will find excellent ways to help you and your son. I believe you love your son dearly and just want help for him so he can grow into a nice young man. Good Luck on your journey, I hope the best for you.
sila
You need to show him that you are boss. Discipline him and don't be afraid of him- you are the elder and he needs to know, understand and respect that. If he acts up in school, take away something he likes to do for the day. Make him go to bed early without any t.v or video games, whichever he likes to do. Take the kid off the drugs, too. Obviously they aren't helping, so why bother? They might be making him worse honestly. ADHD is such commonly misdiagnosed amongst younger kids, and I don't think you need meds to deal with it.
Discipline him and show him you are boss. That's that. Don't let him frighten you, but keep yourself- and him- safe. Hide the knives and such if you need to, but don't raise your voice at him. If he does something good or has a good day at school, praise him and treat him with something nice, like an ice cream or letting him stay up an extra half hour or something. It's all about learning to control without being too harsh or being a pushover. if you're too harsh, he will grow to hate you. If you are a pushover, he will trample over you and turn into a monster. Simple as that.
Forget the doctors, forget the meds.Forget therapy. Try just being a parent to him, not an outsider. Be a friend but also be a mother.
If he has random, unprovoked mood swings, then I'd suggest taking him to a certified therapist whom he is comfortable talking to, and see if he is bipolar or not. Some kids are honestly bipolar and cannot control their outrages without proper medication. If that is the case, then by all means do so.
Good luck.
jean/5/878
Listen i know about child with those disorders like add, adhd, but it can be tooken care of ,the first thing i was going too suggest sounds too me like he has a anger problem also,Seat him down talk with him tell him what you will do if continalls acting in that way ,SET RULES STICK BY THEM< THATS FIRST STEP ,Be carefull about medicated your son, study about the meds. first theres alot of them make your son worse,I never took my son too theapy it would just have made him worse, I seat him down everyday and talk with him for little while then let him go play,Then i would teach him how too control his bodies impulives that made him have learning problems,See he couldnt be steal too long at one time ,Or hed get bored and dirupt the class , my son was very smart they where boring him too death at school ,they didnt keep him changellage enough so he'd act out,Your nerous are shot ,but dont let your son make you sick you first need too get controll of your son first thing think of the things he needs you too do , then think about the good things your child does prizes him when his good,take his farvor things away when his bad ,then when he wants something special tell him if he behaves like a boy his age should you and him can go get it.and most faller all rules of the house, no scream.talking only no banging in the house go outside bang all he wants.and the school work help him too be steal at short peroids of time, believe me Ive been where your at, But i only took my son to pediatric doctor,they give him some mediation that help him too be steal.The state wont help you and the drugs could make him worse ,thats not to say that theres not a meds. that can help but after 30 yrs.of children, believe you can help him better than meds,.just study what will work ever childs different.
Possum
Out him in hospital.
Back to a State of Nature
Show the kid hard intense labor, break the kids back, and make him work for things. Make the kid have a routine of work to do, and don't sway. Keep his grades up, don't let him slack in school. Force the school to help, and if all fails, and your son is really after you in hatred, give him to the state.
For if you try all avenues and leave no doors unopened for help, you know in your heart you tried.
Tillie
Oh this is a tough situation . FIRST THINGS FIRST dont blame ur self the way hes behaving is obvously a chemical imbalance. have you thought of taking him to the police station and asking them to explaine to him about his behaviour and how what he is doing will make him end up in juvie or then even jail.... im in australia here so ive only ever seen on the movies about milatry camp and stuff like that and boot camp if they are real i would consider enrolling him in one of thoes. OR send him to bording school. i know thats pretty harsh but if he doesnt learn at a younge age they will never learn good luck and i hope that things work out for you and that he behaves more for you
BPCB
Find a foster home that is experienced in dealing with out of control children. If he's not responding to treatment in your care, maybe someone else will have better luck with him. If he is a monster only around you, then maybe you shouldn't be around him for a while. Absence supposedly makes the heart grow fonder. You need a break, and he needs to be disciplined by someone he respects. I don't mean to sound cold hearted, but in the long run, tough love, at an early age can have life long positive effects. You wouldn't be giving up on him, you'd be taking a very difficult step toward control and recovery. He may find out that his Mommy isn't so bad after all.
Eric H
I hate to suggest this, but I think he has to be institutionalized.
He's obviously out of control and the key is that he's out of control with everybody ( if it were just with you, I'd think you're enabling the behaviour, but it's not).
He's a danger to himself and others. He needs to be confined.
____
super nanny
Yup Yup
You are the parent. You need to control him weather it be verbally or physically. Spank him when he says those things. Wash his mouth out with soap or hot sauce. Another thing that sometimes works is when he says that cry. Cry right infront of him. Make him realize that it really hurts you. Don't talk to him for a while and just cry! Hope it gets better!
gwennthered
He needs to be hospitalized again. Sorry to tell you that - I know its not what you want to hear, but he is a threat to himself and others and needs to be stabilized before someone, including himself, is hurt.
Before you allow a discharge this time, tell the hospital staff that you need your local mental health authority to provide you in-home therapy and support and case management in order for him to come home. Tell them truthfully if you don't think you can handle him. He may need to go into a residential facility to step down from acute care and THEN transition back home.
We've lived this. Sorry for you.
cauldron
I grew up severely ADD/ADHD, and I'm sorry, but what you're describing does not sound to me like anything remotely resembling any of the symptoms I experienced. However the phrase ADD hadn't even been coined yet, much less any medication to deal with it--my parents had no idea what was wrong with me until I was later diagnosed at age 16, and then they didn't even bother telling me until after I was an adult!
My parents told me I drove them close to the point of insanity. They've claimed they screamed, begged, pleaded and even beat me! I have to believe they're telling me the truth, but I don't have a single memory--of any of it! I hardly noticed their existence, and the little attention I may have paid them, was quickly forgotten in a matter of minutes.
So how did they deal with me? They didn't, they told me that by the time I hit high school, they had already given up. When the principle would call my mom to tell her I hadn't shown up for school--yet again! My mom would respond, "Yeah? Well, you go find her!" By that time, my parents had figured out that nothing they did or said had any effect on me other than complete confusion. I wasn't being intentionally defiant, my concentration span was roughly 15 minutes--and still is! But instead of medication, I learned all kinds of "coping mechanisms". Can't concentration on any one thing for more than 15 minutes at a time--so I'm constantly working on a dozen or more projects, all at the same time. You probably wouldn't believe how many different things I'm doing--right now! I've been carrying my laptop around to every room of my house just to type this, inbetween shampooing the carpets, loading the dishwasher, organizing my work for tomorrow, dancing to DDR, etc., etc., etc. I learned to regard all this, not as a handicap, but as my advanced ability to multitask! I get a lot done, and yes, I'm absolutely serious.
From what you've described, it sounds like you're at the end of your rope, and this may confuse him so he's lashing out in total frustration. Then again, he could be completely psychotic. I'd seek expert psychiatric assistance and insist on as definitive diagnosis as possible--and then get a 2nd and even 3rd opinion. Got to be honest though, I can't even imagine how traumatized I would feel if I knew my own mother considered me a "monster" and wanted to get rid of me. I know I drove my mom close to insanity, but no matter what I ever did, I've never had any reason to doubt her total and complete unconditional love. I sincerely hope you're able to salvage your relationship with your son and wish you all the best!
nadadime
I have looked at some of your questions that you posted in the past. You have been dealing with this for a while now.
You have a child that needs help, and if I am not wrong you are helping your mother as well.
You need help NOW. Your son needs help NOW. You can call the crisis line where you live if there is one available. If you feel threatened now, call the police. I know that sounds drastic, but you have to protect yourself and your child. Your family needs serious intervention. From what you have written he sounds like he is bipolar as well as ADHD. My nephew has it and he acts just the way you describe your son. I see kids like this every day at my school.
Good Luck to you!
Pauly
YOu REALLY need to discipline him, by spaking him hard. THe way he talks to you is totally uncalled for. You need to tell him that your are the boss in the house, and name calling and making threats to kill you is not allowed in your home. You may want to try to send him to boot camp, and see if that works. IF he was my son I would spank him so hard he will hopefully start behaving himself.
YOu better do something before you have problems. WHat I recommend that you really need to start scolding him hard. THis is getting worse by the day with his behavior. IF he behaves the way you described above. He wil be worse if he is in a foster home.
**~Maybe Love Is Not For Me~**
sweety no one on here can help you with that problem! you need to jus keep seeing a doc and get him some help!!!
Mandi J.
Don't let your kid talk to you that way. Drugs never work, and they clearly aren't in this situation. Don't let him walk all over you. You've got him convinced that he can do whatever he want and you'll let him. Robert W is right.
Amanda22
My little bros done that b 4 he is adhd & bi polar may b. Ya'll need some family counceling & he might need some meds 2. Dont b scared of the word meds cause it helped my little bro alot. his grades went up in school & his behavior was better. It could b a chemical imbalance in the brain. When they've got those disorders they get so mad & just react they dont even realize what they r saying till its 2 late. Ya'll should keep faith & go 2 church 2. DONT GIVE HIM 2 foster care that will mess them up more. Trust me I know some 31 yr old foster kid & he is soooo screwed up!!! You need 2 make some calls from the phone book cause there r programs 4 poor people that need counceling. My bro payed 5$ a session. Good luck, God bless.
peaches6
You can change his diet and see how that works. Also, if he's being violent. . .you should discipline him. The other alternative. . . would be to let the State take him and put him in foster care. Good Luck!
combackkidxxx
call 911. tell them your 9 year old is VERY very violent and is threatening to stab you and has told you several times he wants to kill you. DO IT NOW .
it's definitely not ADHD that's causing this.
maybe he has some anti social behavior and maybe a personality disorder....
edit----medication DOES help....but, as for meds
for this kind of behavior? not so sure. for ADHD...stimulants..
schizophrenia and all of that...antipsychotics....
but this? not sure.. but don't listen to people who say meds don't work. your son hasn't been correctly diagnosed.
smokin.kush420
i think adderall (amphetamines) are a terrible ADHD medication a strong psychoactive stimulant is not a good way to calm a kid down
mkgjeo
Although he is your son and you love him, he is very clearly a threat to you. What would happen if he did seriously harm you, himself, or another child? Sure, he may behave himself around dad but what if he starts the same thing with him? You need to get him admitted into a hospital with a good child psychiatric unit. Either he is doing this because unfortunately, he is very sick or he realizes that its great attention seeking behavior. But in either case, you need to protect yourself. Please get him the help he needs by taking him to an ER and letting ppl know that your safety and possibly other people's safety is being threatened. You are in an extremely frustrating and heart-wrenching position as a parent but you still need to look out for yourself.
Robert W
You need to discipline him. Take a wooden paddle to that brats ***, smack him across the face, you need to take control! YOU ARE THE PARENT!
Jeep Girl
You need to call your county mental health board RIGHT NOW. They have an emergency team that should come out to your house immediately. If they deem it necessary, they will admit him into a psych unit at your local children's hospital.
Then they will set up resources for you. They will create a plan for your child.
Look up the number in the phone book and call now.
☮Beatle Bailey☮
Ever thought of a mental hospital? I dont mean that in any offense, but sometimes that is the best option for a child like that.
My brother has ADHD and although with time he has grown out of some of the very harmful symptoms, it is still obvious he has it. My parents had him on ritalin for quite some time. And although he tried to kill me, he was never taken anywhere for help.
My moms best friend had a son that tried to shoot some neighboors, who also stood over her with a knife while she was sleeping and said he wanted to kill her. She had to eventually take him to a hospital where he could get the help he needed. After he spent a good amount of time there he lived in a house where people could moniter his behavior and help him. He also is fine and basically normal now.
I would suggest the option of a hospital or home for him. Foster care and medication I dont believe are the answer. The medication will change who he is, and yes, maybe it will help now, but the effects it will have on him in the long run are not worth it. I promise.
I hope that helps some. Good luck.
Acid09
I assume there is no father figure? Or if there is one he is perpetuating this situation? If that is the case and you can prove it in court, you can take full custody of your son.
Other than that: time to send him to a group home, maybe even a military reform school. Sure straightened me up when I was little older than his is.
Either way he is projecting his issues with anger on to you and is threatening your health. I know you love your son but its time to remove him from the home so that he can learn his behavior will not be tollerated. It is only temporary too.
But when kids spend time in a group home its usually because the next place for them is juvenile hall or worse. I really think you have a clear cut case where sending him to such a place is the best option. Both so that you can recover (perhaps seek councelling yourself) and so that your son can learn to deal with his issues in more positive ways. And if he realizes "mom's not fulling around anymore" he may start to play ball.
As his mother you have legal right to have him commited too. Its time to put him in a hospital or a group home.
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