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Tell me why my husband blames all his bad behavior on being bipolar - isn't he ever to blame for hurting me?
Ever since my husband was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, all of his bad, even abusive behavior gets blamed on the lack of meds before treatment, porblems with meds since treatment, or just the disorder itself. I want to know what if there is anything he actually has to take responsibility for.
Bi-polar crap. Just a con by Doctors to sell medicine. It gets him out of being the blame. Sounds like he is setting you up. Next thing you know he can kill and blame his disorder. I got out of that same thing after 25 years. You can too. And should.
lucyshines49
He is always accountable to hurting you. He can not use his illness as a crutch. You should speak to his Doc or someone you trust that can be of help to you. Please remember NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO LAY HANDS ON YOU!!!!
Christabel
Yes, he must take responsibility for taking his meds and seeing his doctor regularly in order to "get level" so to speak. It is always difficult for the spouse, parent, caretaker in these matters. Just focus on yourself and take good care of yourself, you can't fix him as his condition is permanent but controllable with care. This is a great deal of stress on you. Seek out groups that have to deal with problems/conditions and are aimed at looking out for you. Ask his psychiatrist for help in this area. You definitely need the companionship of these people who all share similar concerns. He may be the sick one but don't allow his illness make you ill. Best of Luck to you.
Army Gal
I'm not diagnosed but am potentionally bipolar. Long list of reasons, history is one.
It is hard to control, but he shouldn't want to blame it on that. One would think that that would be the last thing to blame it on. To some, it makes themselves seem less and less normal.
He should, to answer your question. How much is the problem. Does he have a shrink? You, or both of you should discuss this with them.
Good Luck to you both!
walter_nahbexie
He's responsible for all he doe's.I been diagnosed with bi polor but i refuse the medications.Why because i don't need them.Most of the garbage he wants to blame on his bipolar is ridicalous.Tell him to smarten up or show him the door .Chances are he will straighten out.And try to be responsible.Best wishes Peace Victorio
reshadow31
if he is being treated perhaps you need to talk to his doctor, about what level of responsibility he is capable of obtaining, if he is using this as a crutch then he has just been found out and needs more counseling, also since you live with this it wouldnt hurt for you to get some counseling also on how to adjust to this type of life, it is a big step and huge responsibility to live with someone who is bi-polar, you will need a support group, if you are unwilling to do these things then, perhaps it would be best for you to seperate for a while
Tapestry6
He needs counseling.
milk fur♥
Yes plenty for him to take responsibility for especially if he is on meds, if he is on meds then theres nothing he should be blaming on his illness,
T G
This is a really tough question. I can "hear" the anger in your words, and understand completely. It's really, really hard to understand something like bi-polar, especially when you're not the one suffering from it. I do believe that a lot of people who suffer from depression, whether it be bi-polar or plain old down in the dumps depression, tend to use it as a crutch. But the fact that it's used as a crutch all goes back to the depression itself. It's like the proverbial chicken and egg... which came first? Speaking from the viewpoint of someone who has been clinically depressed (though not bipolar), I can only tell you how my spouse has influenced me. I went through a period of depression, very very deep depression, for about 4 years. My spouse was my rock. He took so much crap from me that, to this day, I feel like there's nothing I'll ever be able to do to make up for it. In retrospect, I did use depression as a poor-me crutch. I don't know why, but I did. But the bottom line,- no matter how depressed I was, * I * was the one responsible for my actions. To think that a person has absolutely no control whatsoever over their actions because they're bipolar or depressed is (for the most part) ridiculous. I say "for the most part" because I do believe there are exceptions, where people really are so "out of their mind" so to speak, that they can't make solid judgments. In my opinion, that's when it's time to check in to the hospital.
SMD
He needs to quit using being bipolar as an excuse, be a man, and take responsibility for his actions.
lady_phinix
I personally think that whether he says he is bipolar or just detached, he is blaming something 'unctonrollable' for his actions. The truth is that there are options that enable the control of the disorder but he isn't following them through the way they are supposed to. It maybe isn't the same thing, but me having problems in my life doesn't mean I can lash out at the next person and especially those I care about. Whatever the condition, it is up to the person to protect those they care the most about from the side effects of their condition. I think that being with a bipolar person is something that might take a toll on you none the less and whatever he tries may not always work. The question is, are you ready to conciosuly accept the 'sudden and unexplained' behaviours that are bound to happen with this disorder?
makingthisup
My daughter and I both have been diagnosed with this condition. But it is not an excuse for those kind of actions. This is 2007 and there are fabulous meds to control this disorder. He may have to try different ones until he finds the ones that work right for him. We spent 5 years finding the right combo for my daughter. But God bless her, she was a champ and managed to live her life with very few people other than her and me being able to tell there was much of a problem. She hurt like hell inside, but she controlled it on the outside very well. You need to help him pull it together and get on the right meds because from someone who has been to hell and back -- depression, bipolar all that stuff is VERY real. And those that say it isn't just haven't had to deal with it. But in the mean time until he finds the right medication he needs to not use it as an excuse to be abusive. He has to bite the bullet and plow ahead knowing that he will find relief if he does what he needs to do--get the right meds.
nocandoodle
This is such a delicate area. Yes your husband was diagnosed, but that doesn't mean much to be perfectly honest. They can be wrong. He can have one form or another of depression or anxiety. I know a few people who were diagnosed with bi-polar and then changed to something else. It's a very popular diagnosis. Regardless, this diagnosis is not a free pass to be abusive to you or anyone else. He is responsible for his ACTIONS. He may not be able to control the way he feels right now, but he can learn through cognitive behavior therapy, meds, counselling, etc how to slowly cope with what is going on his head. He may not get better tomorrow but he does NOT have to be abusive. There is another way to treat the people you love who, by the way also have to live with bi-polar not just him. It will be a wake up call to him the day someone stands up and calls him on his actions and says NO. This will not do. I will not allow you treat me this way anymore. I would speak to a counselor if I were you. This affects the whole family and I would get information if I were you. Best of luck.
Masceo
He need to seek professional assistant and treatment.
lady_jane_az
I'm not saying that husband does not have bipolar. You state that he has abusive behavior. People that are abusive don't take responsibility for what they do because if they did it would mean they would have to change. If you feel that you are being abuses get help for yourself so you can leave before it's too late. the abuse will only get worst though there may be times good time in the between. while he may be ill and you may want to help him you need protect yourself and your kids (if you have any) it would wise to goggle domestic violence
Heads up!
Maybe its the whiskey.
malibu
hi my aunt was diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago. and let me tell you she would walk down the middle of the highway looking for pennies! she lost her job because she just couldnt handle it. her marriage is about to end because her husband cant deal with it anymore. she cries then gets mad. i dont know but all i can say is it might just be the disorder and the meds combined. that bipolar disorder is just something that makes ppl basically go crazy. not that your husband is crazy. im only relating to my aunt that im very close to. i hope i kind of helped by telling you about someone i know with this disorder. good luck! all i know is that my aunt isnt the same person she was before she got diagnosed.
Andee21
Bipolar can be controlled. People don't want to take responsibility for the actions. They are always looking for excuses. Be understanding towards him but don't let him get away with everything.
Anna
I'm really sorry to hear that. Yes, there are many things he needs to take responsibility for. Just because he has been diagnosed as being bipolar does not give him the freedom and the right to be abusive and say and do whatever he wants...in fact having been diagnosed should make him realize what the problem is and therefore make a conscious effort to fix it.
Bi-polar disorder may be a reason for some of the things he says and does, however it is not an excuse...no matter how cruel and harsh it is. It is a mood disorder and he is still in charge of his actions, so he should take responsibility. First of all, if he is going to blame the lack of medication then it is his responsibility to start taking meds. If he is going to say that the meds are in effective, then it is his job to see a psychiatrist and find some that are effective.
Whether or not he is on medication, he knows he is bipolar and therefore should be doing everything he can to manage it and make use of meds etc. that should help control and lessen the severity of his mood swings. To me it seems like he is instead using the diagnosis to his advantage and blaming everything he does and says on being bipolar simply because he feels that he can. Well he can't, and shouldn't be doing that. If he truly wanted to get better for himself and for you, then he wouldn't be using his diagnosis as something he can shift blame onto.
I would recommend maybe checking out some websites or groups for people with family and/or spouses that are bipolar, I think it would probably help you a lot. Youre a strong person and keep holding your head up high. He should be held responsible for everything that you and I are held responsible for, even if he has a mood disorder. It is his job to get help for it and if he isn't doing that and instead is using it as an excuse to get away with his behavior, then maybe you should talk to someone about it (a psychiatrist or professional) and get their advice on what to do. Good luck! I wish you the best,
Anna
polishedamethyst
I am bipolar (type II) , and I get SO sick of these people blaming their imbalance and attempting to use it as an excuse for their inexcusable actions. It's a matter of self-control and respect when it comes down to dealing with others. There are many people out there with no chemical imbalance who act just as ignorant.
If he is having these issues, the BPD is not to blame, it's him. If what he is doing is "out of his control" then he needs to get back to the doc and try to get this straightened out. If I were you, I would go to the therapist's appointment(s) with him, it might help both of you. Take care!
Snowflake
Not only he has bipolar disorder which is no fun for family members he's is also acting like a "victim" - he'll blame everything and everyone, but won't take any responcibility to make any positive changes. That's typical victim pattern. If he's treated for bipolar chances are he is also in councelling. Sudgest he bring it up with his councellor. Convenient form may be "My wife blames me in victimizing myself". Councellor will know what to say.
Bipolar or not - he is an adult and he's supposed to take responsibility for his actions and make some positive changes. Now that he understand that he has a problem he has to learn to live with it and let others live happily next to him. Not all of his shortcomings are due to this desease. If he's not willing to work on his shorcomings and/or try to work around his condition - you might consider leaving him.
Sharon X
Do some reading on bipolar. It is pretty serious and my bf's brother has bipolar. he goes nuts when he's not on his meds. People with bipolar disorder has trouble controlling themselves. Just make sure he takes his meds and be supportive.
It's Me
He DOES have to take responsibility for his behavior and you need to protect yourself AND your children from him.
That said, the bipolar disorder MAY BE the cause of all of this, but he has to get the help he needs to control it. I suffer from severe depression, and most days, I just want to kill myself. However, I don't, because I know I have to control my actions, even though I can't control the chemical balance in my brain.
Shelty K
My dear woman, he is responsible for all oif his behaviour. Bipolar is not an excuse for abuse or violence if that is also what is happening.
I suggest you speak with your doctor about this mans behaviour and have a councelling session set up. If her refuses then take other action and either remove yourself from his presence until he seeks proper couincelling or stabilization of his behaviour through medication and therapy. Or put his bags out on the street and take an injunction out against him for abuse. No one had to take abuse and bipolar is not an excuse to play games to get your own way or abuse others.
digby_by
Get away from him, now he's just got an excuse to be a bad husband, and no diagnosis can excuse abuse
Good luck to you.
Intel369
kick him out!!!!
hecate wylde
If he is taking his medication as prescribed and isn't showing any improvement, please get him a second opinion. But take care of yourself and get in touch with a group for family members of mentally ill patients.
Bill
All of it. He's still sane.
Serinity4u2find
That's a crock. For many reasons. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 1991. I got on medication and have been ever since but I have a strong personality and sometimes I talk too much or talk too loud and that is partly because of my illness but the blame is not on the illness but on me.
Through the years my family and my friends help me by letting me know when my up and down behavior is getting to them or inappropriate. This is how I learn but my mental illness isn't to blame for my behavior. I am to blame and your husband is to blame. Having a mental disorder is something that we have to overcome but it is not a patented excuse for misbehaving or mistreating others.
Now I can tell you that it is hard at times having a mental illness but what your husband should be doing is working on himself to develop better skills than not doing anything and blaming his problems on a disorder in his brain. That's a cop out and a poor excuse.
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