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Steven H
My girlfriend broke up with me because she has cancer. How do I get closer to her w/out pushing her away?
I've broken up with my girlfriend because she is sick. At first she didn't know what she had. Her doctors didn't know if it was a tumor or that she has lung cancer until she gets checked up again the following week. She even told me to promise her that if anything, I have to let her go. She told me that she doesn't want me to worry about her. She tried to break up with me 3 times, but one of which became official. I refuse to let her go the first two break ups. So we're still together until she left to the hospital. She thought it was best to let me go and it was hard for both of us. Eventually we broke it up, but never told me what she had. I let her know that im still here for her and that I love her. I hate to let her go through this all alone. I still want to be with her, but im afraid i might push her away. I call her once a week to check up on her and see how she's doing. I have never dealt with anything like this before. I still want to be with her. How do i get closer to her?
It doesn't matter what kind of illness she has, the word cancer is the scariest one, because people attribute it to death. That isn't always the case. I had breast cancer and my husband gave me a walkie talkie and went and did what he needed to do, I didn't need him to watch me puke anyway. He tried to be there for me but it's such a personal illness, especially if it affects a woman's woman hood. So, what to do. Send her cards every week. Soon she will look forward to them and you are there for her. Send balloons, they are so joyous. If she wants to see you, she'll let you know, for now, let the doctors do what they gotta do.
Leo Juv
U r such a wonderful, caring, nice, loving guy... Shower her with all your luvs and cares. At this stage, she really needs someone to be by her side, to support her. If you really wants to be with her, I suggest you have to act thick skin.... insist being with her, even is she push u away. I always believe, a sick person, no matter how strong or stubborn he or she is... eventually they will still need someone by their side.... Good Luck!!!
Heather
I'm so sorry for all you and she is going through. Really all i can say is keep calling her and letting her know you are there for her if she needs anything. See if she's willing to let you visit as a friend, send her flowers, do things that make her think of you. Overall just let her know you care even if it means your no long bf/gf... I keep you and her in my prayers.
paced27
Most cancer patients can go through a few stages upon knowing that they have such a condition. Firstly, they are in shock and denial, then they start bargaining and are confused, then they become angry and guilty (of why they are having cancer), they might fall into depression and then accept what is happening to them.
I'm a nose cancer survivor and went through all of those. I did not know if I would pull through and survive, and did not want my boyfriend to be upset over my condition. At that point of time, we were only together for about 6 months and I thought if we broke up, it would be best for him; he does not have to be with someone who is facing death and who does not know if she will live or not. However, I could not bear to do so because I love him and needed his support badly. Honestly, I don't know if I would be able to type this out now if not without my boyfriend's love and support. Going through near death (doc said I had 2-6 months left) really brought us closer together.
Your girlfriend loves you and she's thinking that by breaking up with you, you'll only be sad for this moment and would not grief too much should her condition worsen (of cos I pray hard that would not happen!).
You really have to shower her with love and support and show her that you really love her and care for her. Tell her you want to go through this with her no matter what happens. You can accompany her whenever she goes for her treatments (my boyfriend did that), buy flowers to cheer her up (my boyfriend did that too) or visit her at home instead of just calling once a week.
Instead of really treating this as a break up, pretend that you two did not even break up and do what a boyfriend should do and shower your love and care when your girlfriend is ill. Wait till she has recover, then you two can discuss about the relationship. Right now, the most important thing is to let her know that you are there for her, loving her, no matter what could happen.
morrigin
Wow you poor thing you're really going through the mill.She's probably in shock if she's just been told she has cancer and that's what makes her not want to hurt you. I don't know what else you can do differently. I know you don't want to be too forward in case you push her away even more. Just keep showing her that you're there for her no matter what, ring ahead and ask can you go and visit her.
Hang in there.
My thoughts are with both of you.If you want to talk contact me by e-mail from my profile page.
split
give her space and time she prolly needs it right now and she is really maybe freeked out so give her time and comfort her and dont try to force her back into a relationship
JERRABand
It's almost like those situations where you are really upset, and someone asks, "Do you want to talk about it?" You say no, but secretly hope that they persist, since you really do want someone to talk to.
It's the same with your girlfriend. She doesn't want to burden you with her personal problems. She feels like she is dragging you into her problems and interfering with your life. Let her know that this is just not the case. Still insist on being with her to comfort her, even if you two are just talking about dumb things. Just knowing that someone is there for her is comfort enough.
If you want, try doing something romantic, like sending her flowers or writing her a poem (I hear girls actually like that cheesey stuff). It sounds to me as if she still loves you, and once she comes to understand that she is not troubling you at all, things will come together.
I truly wish the best of luck to the both of you. Tell her I told her to get well soon!
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