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kev
What do i do in this situation? Preferably adults answer please!?
Ok so my fiancee and i are having problems. I am ADHD, and sometimes i cannot control the way I act. I am controlling and very demanding i dont listen and im mean. I hate this so much I cry everyday. I am in the process of getting help and getting on meds. She decides that she wants to leave me because I make her do things she doesnt want to do. I blame this all on my problem, why because when i took medicine before i never acted like this. What should she do? Does anyone support her or should she wait until I start taking my meds to see if this really is the problem? And if the meds dont work I dont blame her for wanting to leave...Please someone help me out. This is ruining my life soo much! Meagan I love you always and forever! Additional Details Ok so my fiancee and i are having problems. I am ADHD, and sometimes i cannot control the way I act. I am controlling and very demanding i dont listen and im mean. I hate this so much I cry everyday. I am in the process of getting help and getting on meds. She decides that she wants to leave me because I make her do things she doesnt want to do. I blame this all on my problem, why because when i took medicine before i never acted like this. What should she do? Does anyone support her or should she wait until I start taking my meds to see if this really is the problem? And if the meds dont work I dont blame her for wanting to leave...Please someone help me out. This is ruining my life soo much! Meagan I love you always and forever!
I am currently active duty military, so i dont actually see her much, she is at home i am in ark. just to clear up somethings. This also means counseling and my meds are free. I have been doing counseling for 2 monthes now. its a rpocess that takes time.
Well if she loves you she would never even think about leaving you in your time of need.
luisamapacha
You need to get yourself straightened out before you're in any kind of serious relationship. You sound a bit wacko to me.
Get into therapy and get it all figured out. You must stop blaming your behavior on everything else.
SCARLETT
STAY ON YOUR MEDS..... if you want to act "normal" all the time then take your meds all the time. It WOULD MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER AND EVERYONE YOU COME INTO CONTACT, WOULD BE EASIER TO GET ALONG WITH.
GOOD LUCK.
matthetech
kev-this is a difficult 1 to answer - have a heart to heart talk with meagan-you also need to step back and think about what you are going to say in any given situation-very difficult -yes i know -make sure you appologize for anything foolish- or overdemanding remarks you may say to her, you cant let the adhd win -its not just meds -you need to reprogram the way you think and respond-are you asking meagan to do things you yourself wouldnt do? thats not fair in ANY situation-i dont doubt you love meagan -or that she loves you -but you really need to step up here,dont just say what comes to mind -think about it for a moment -then answer , --good luck to you kev.....
fyrecrowe
My sister is allegedly ADHD and she takes amphetemine salts to keep her calm. Personally, I think you should get a hobby. Like splatter painting, this would allow you to create while you filter out any rage. The good news is that you can recognize your issues. Stop allowing them to be a crutch though. I may be hyper, and I may be a ****** at times, but I'm not an ****** becasue I'm hyper. As for her, you can only push a woman so far, and you can't let them be a crutch for you either. Traditionally, it's you that she needs to rely on, not the other way around. If she has to run, let her. There are lots of women out there, no use running one in the ground by trying to hold on too hard.
oj
First of all, you went off your meds even though you knew you needed them. That's irresponsible. Get back on your meds immediately, and seek counseling for yourself and couple's counseling. I believe your fiance should give you a chance as long as you are serious about getting therapy. ONLY if you have not been physically abusive. If you have, I think she should run for the hills, because no one deserves that, especially at the hands of someone who knows exactly what they're doing. If she does leave, please pursue therapy anyway, because you have the rest of your life to live.
joe
You are going to have different responses to your question from YA, this will only add to your confusion, stick to your counseling, I do hope things turn out for the best. Good luck.
littledevl33
My ex was the same way. He did get on medication and he did go to therapy. The whole time he was blaming his anger issues on his medical condition. After he got help he was still the same. I hope things work out for you but if this has been going on for years I really can't see things changing. You really need to stop and think about the things you ask her to do that she doesn't want to do. I know your ADHD makes you think a little differently than others but her world shouldn't have to revolve around your medical condition. If you really love her you will get help and think about how you treat her.
bebop
She should give the meds a chance.
You should leave her presence when you cannot control yourself,
go in another room and shut the door.
No one should stay with someone who is mean to them. So if the meds don't work she should leave.
simplepleasures
good luck!!
embroidery fan
You know that when you took meds before, you acted better. Yet, you procrastinated in getting them again.
Perhaps Meagan felt you didn't care enough for her to get them sooner, which is why she's leaving. Or, maybe she doesn't trust that your meds will be the "quick fix" that you promise.
Try this... if she leaves, she leaves, but keep in touch with her, if you can, and offer to prove to her that you're a "new man" with your meds. If you really are, she'll see it, and perhaps return to you!
Good luck!
hopespringsanew
Definitely need to be on meds and this is from someone who needs to be on meds too. You also need some therapy. Suggest some co-counselling at the local center for a reduced price. i don't know where you live, but look in the phone book for the local mental health center and ask them about the counselling. It's not that expensive. And try the meds and tell her that you will understand if she leaves you. Sometimes it's also better to write things down than express yourself cause you can't control the aggressive tone.
caves51
You have alot on your plate to deal with. Continue with counseling and your meds. You acknowledged that you have many problems and that's great to admit to yourself. Try to understand that when you do get upset, learn what it is that upsets you and slow your thinking and reaction time down, so that you can learn to deal with your frustrations. That is a good starting place.
Have you considered that your girlfriend may be asking too much of you? Since you have some unresolved problems, it sounds like she is telling you: "my way or the highway". Think about that.
[you have said; "she decides... she doesn't like....."] It's not about her dear, it's about YOU!
You have enough obligations just at the moment of your own. Perhaps just for right now, she needs to be on a back shelf [or let go?] so that you can organize your thoughts and plans for YOUR immediate future. One step at a time, one problem at a time.
Please try to eliminate problems by thinking about your own self seriously, your immediate life and that things are going to have to take some time to work out in a positive way.
I can't support her; I support you. You have to live with your self, and you need lots of help with your internal problems just at the moment.
Sorry, but just right now she is in your way of success and recovery. Please give your therapy and meds. some time it isn't a quick-fix! Good luck!
suzanne g
Don't marry until your head is straight. It may well be that you need different medication. Sometimes an anti-depressant won't work well for someone, but another anti-depressant does. If you don't like yourself on these meds, talk to dr. and try different ones. Ask gf to give you a couple months for new meds to take effect.
Jay L
I think you need to consult your physician to see if he can adjust your meds, plus, I think Meagan should be patient enough to see how they all work out. If she really loves you, she'll stick it out with you. Good luck...
crymeariver
My husband and I have similar problems he's the same way and I often lose my temper but we always forgive one another when the other one says their sorry. So it would be hard to offer advice except just try talking it out with her and see if she will give you another shot. If not, then let her go. They say that if you love someone set them free and this may have to be it, you both have to be willing to work out your differences and if one of you is and the other is not then it's not going to work out. I wish you luck and will say many prayers for you.
davelennv
Talk to Megan and explain to her your problem. If you can, when you go to the doctor, take her with you, and let him explain to her your situation. With a professional explaining it, that will validate what you are telling her.
Make her a part of your health care team.
meowqueen1953
You don't say what types of things you make her do.Maybe those things are major to her and She probably feels that she needs a safe place. Yes,If you love her, let her go. After you see how the medication works, you can work on repairing your relationship. She won't be able to look at things with a clear head if she is in the middle of turmoil.
have you told her before that you were going to get help and didn't follow through? Let her have some space.
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