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Pitter
My mom died and I'm having a hard time dealing with it. Ways to cope???
Mom died 9/15/07. I know she is in a better place now. It was somewhat of a relief when she passed, she was suffering so much. Now life is kicking in again. Dad passed in 96. I have 3 brothers but I feel so alone. Like there is no security in my life, you know how mom's can make anything ok. I know I'm an adult but I'm a real mess right now. Everything is a struggle to me, I already have depression and this obviously adds to it. How do I cope with this? Dad's been gone for a while and I don't remember how I got through it. All I know is my brothers and me still had mom after that and it made it easier. My mom suffered, was on hospice care (we took care of her, she wanted it that way). I'm devastated by it and trying to deal. Ideas??? Comments??? Additional Details
Thank you for your answers so far! Everyone has been so nice!
Try and lean on your really close friends. I feel really bad for you. My elderly neighbor was like a grandmother to me, when my grandmother died. That doesn't mean I forgot my grandmother. But Jane (my neighbor) really helped me out. Avoid stories and movies that involve death. Your brothers also might be able to help, as they are going through the same thing. You can help your brothers. What helped me when my grandmother died was volunteering to help others. I did a lot of volunteer work, and somehow it made me feel better.
I hope I helped!
Kymee :)
beatle1909
I went thru the same thing. I did my mourning alone, and have tried to move on, preserving the memories. There are support groups, I know they are out there, although I never tried to find one, they do help ease the pain of loss. Death be not proud. Good luck.
Anny
I am so sorry for your losss :( Okay, first, know it's okay to grieve. You just lost your mother, you are allowed to grieve! Cry if you need to. Let it all out. Talk to someone close to you, talk about your mother, tell this person how you are feeling. Don't be afraid to cry and be sad, it is completely normal.
You might also want to try writing down your feelings in a journal. It may help sort all of your emotions in words. Put all your anger, sadness, etc into your journal.
If you have depression, you may want to see a counsellor and/or take antidepressants. The antidepressants take the emotional edge off and not as intense. They will help stabilize the chemical imbalance.
Try to go out of the house as well. Isolating yourself at home isn't healthy. Take a nice walk, go out to an exercise program, an art class or whatever you enjoy. If possible visit her grave and tell her how you feel.
Take some time for yourself. Take a bubble bath, read a book, do something to take your mind off of this for a while.
You might also want to see a grief counselor. They can help you sort through your emotions.
Good luck hun :)
porkupine
ive lost both my parents-my dad just 2 years ago--hospice etc... play music,sing along,look for the the good in people,positives in life,.amazing autumnal colours.The sadness will always be there but dont let it ruin your life!they both would have wanted you to be happy and i suspect your brothers feel simialr sadness.take care and good luck. x
streamthree
Don't resist the depressed feelings. Welcome it as a part of your human nature by embracing it. Acknowledge it by saying, "Here it comes", then just go with the flow by crying, etc. As you're going through this know that the process will eventually end until the next time. As you do this, make mental notes of your reactions and actions. This technique helped me when my mother died 2 years ago.
Kaybee
I'm sorry. My mom passed away exactly one year ago next week.
she died of cancer.
the only words of comfort I can offer you right now is that I believe with all my heart that our loved ones never leave us.
Just because you can't see and touch them doesn't mean they are not there. I feel my mom around me all the time and that is a great comfort to me.
Remember this too... death is always followed by rebirth.
It may not be a rebirth that you recognize right away... but resurrection and rebirth will always follow. Just when it seems you will never smile again.... life comes back.
It's OK to feel sad and depressed.... and all the other things your feeling now ....and will be feeling for some time.
You are not alone.
Peace to you.
beatmaid
I lost my daughter 3 years ago. She was 7 days shy of her 20Th birthday. She was a special needs child and I spent 24 -seven with her. I would like to be able to say that time is a great healer but I would be lying. The thing that allows me to continue on is that I always talk about her. I always recall events, things she said, or things she did. If people don't seem to listen, find someone else. I also write to her in a book. I haven't changed her room or anything. I find it very peaceful to go into her room and look at her things...pick up her books, etc. I believe that if you give your self permission to reminisce and laugh or cry at the memories, you will find that your mom is with you,, and closer to you than you think. ONly when I opened my heart and mind and soul to the memories was able to start to live a little as opposed to just existing. Hope it helps. Also there is a wonder sit e on the net called "Grandmas Faith". It has beautiful music, pictures, stories, etc.. keep on keeping on.
sincerely
beatmaid
Lola
I know how you feel. My dad passed away on 9/28/07. It's been hard and I feel really alone.
I've decided to start over with everything. I have a new job and will be moving into a new place in a week. I couldn't have everything the same anymore. I needed a change to help me deal with losing my dad.
lucky star
i understand trust me i lost my mom when i 20 but she was my world you know some i could talk when on one would listen so just kinda starting wtiing her letters you know the you don't read you tear them up or something wellthat's what i did and it worked for me but if you need a friend someone to talk to you e-mail if you like it's hard i to have brothers and sister but still miss my mom she's been gone 1986
tiger cub due 12/5/09
sometimes all you need to do is talk i will always listen and usually it is easier to someone you cant see and sometimes if you dont know them. or try councilling but not always best choice
maybe you could plant a tree in your garden that would remind you of her or a plant she really liked. so you can remember her in your own way you will have a specail place close by or even a bench. its somewhere where you can go to be alone and talk to her.
try talking to your brothers they may be able to help.
maybe start writing a diary so everything you feel gets let out so your not bottleing it up.
the worst thing you can do is bottle it up
i know its not the same but i lost a brother and i knda know what your going through and you will eventually get through it it does take time and everyone finds there own way of dealing with greif you just have to find your own way remember if you need to chat just email me
and always remember she is always with you so when your down she will be there smiling down on you.
Diane G
Hi Pitter...first of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Times makes it easier, but the pain never truly leaves. How old are you? You need to focus on the important issues now, meaning your life. Surround yourself with good people. Enjoy yourself, and by all means remember...your mom would not want you to spend your days mourning her. Love doesn't end with death, and death is just a part of the circle of life. DO NOT feel guilty for having fun, either. If you are close to yor brothers, great, if not, life goes on. There's a big adventure waiting for you to discover. Good luck!
gypsy_ii
well knowing that she is in a better place tells me that you ARE starting to deal. you should grieve, she was your mom. take comfort in knowing she is not sick any more and she will always be with you, looking down on you. i think it is normal to feel lonely. but remember you have family and friends that love and care for you. you are not alone. it's ok to talk to your mom, tell her how you feel. i know it sounds weird but i swear, in some strange way it does help. god bless.
Sharon M
My mother passed away three years ago and the world is still a little darker a place for her loss. I coped by leaning on God and my wonderful husband. Having a three year old daughter to care for helped tremendously as well. I couldn't fall apart because I had to be mommy.
You say you already have depression. Are you in therapy or just taking anti-depressants. I think now is definitely the time for therapy as well as finding a grief support group. You know in your head all your life that some day your mom is going to go but when it becomes real, you never are prepared.
dreamdress2
My Mother in law died not too long ago...she had seven sons and one daughter, who was the baby...Not only did the daughter talk to her Mom every day, but she was the one who took places...the boys moved on, but it took a long time for the daughter to get over it. I think it is always harder for the daughter..because they are usually close to their Mom.
I think she just got involved with other things...She went on a diet, and after she lost the weight, she quit smoking and is a health kick now. She probably did all this to keep her busy so she wouldn't miss her Mom. Maybe you need to find some new thing to distract you for a while. Don't dwell on her passing so much. She would want you to enjoy life. Maybe join a gym...or take up a new hobby...something outside would be better....maybe bicycle.....
saleh a
hi ,
there is one thing to do i think, hung on god
meg
my heart goes out to you luv,i lost my dad 36 years ago,i cant remember how i got through that,my mum died 4 years ago,it dosnt seem that long,but i know how you feel,it is like you have lost part of yourself you feel empty,and even though you have friend and relations you still feel lonley,it is only early days as yet,and still very raw,you will feel as though you cant live without her you cant cope,and also feel quilt,my mum died in the hospice,i felt so guilty because the doctors told me she was going home,and mum asked me if she was i said yes because that is what i was told,but never got home she was too weak,and i was given a choice that i could take her home for the last few days or leave her there,i had to leave her at the hospice,she was to weak to move and she was comfortable and being looked after 24-7,i know now i made the right choice it would have been cruel to move her,at the time my some got sent to prison for his fist offence,i was suffering with anxiety,so i was worrying over him and trying to greave over my mum,i was all over the place,there is one thing that made me feel better,that was knowing my mum had gone to meet my dad and they were together again,she kept saying my dad was with her while she was in the hospice,i think that is the worst loss besides losing a child,you know your mum isnt suffering anymore ,but you are,my mum rearly suffered,if i could have had one wish,it would have been to have my mum back,i have got tears typing this,your mum wouldnt want you to be unhappy,i no at the minute you think you will never get over it,you wont forget and you will still have a cry,but please beleive me the pain dose get easier,you will start to think of the good times and the silly things she did,i couldnt look at my mums photo for a long time,now i look and smile,wondering what she and my dad are saying about me,probably silly old bugger,get on with life my mum would say,she will always be with you,and your dad,i know it is easier said than done try and find something to take your mind off it,by doing something maybe what your mum would have wanted you to do,the security will come back,
rearly my heart goes out to you you can always contact me
please take care
Remy
Everyone is correct by telling you to talk about it, to get counseling, and all that. Let me tell, you it's not about getting over it, my sister just died of cancer and she spoke with her only daughter (11 years old) before she died, she spoke with her daughter who asked her to please hang on a couple of years more because she loved her soooo much and could not live with out her. My sister told her not to worry, that she should thank god she has a good father, and that got gave her a mom for 11 years....there are so many moms that die at childbirth, so many orphans so many children that have never known nothing than suffering and no one ever by their side. She told her that she gave her a good quality of life and was soo proud of her that god knew what he was doing. Well, that's part of what she told her but if you take all those things into consideration, remember your mother was suffering so much. How do you think she will feel that she is the reason your are feeling the way you are now????? She dedicated her life to make you happy to be with you, so cheer up talk to her as she was there (she can hear you somehow). Do what my niece does, we take her to the cemetary to visit mom, she sits by the grave and she talks to her, whats going on what her plans are what her complaints are and then she say's a prayer tells her "I know I don't have to come here for you to hear me, but I still do"
peace out
Ku-Ling
Already have depression or depression as a result of? If it is the former, go through counselling or therapy sessions...this could get worse before it gets better.
If it is a result of, realise that all things change. Rather than dwelling on a person's death, champion their life. Your mom would not want you to be hurting this much. She suffered enough, will you continue to carry the suffering?
It's still gonna hurt regardless and for quite some while, but the point is not to be thinking about it. Be active, find some renewed focus in your life and push forward. Sometimes, being busy is the best way for us not to just sit there and ferment in our sorrows.
pinky
oh dear , really hurtng for you.
Have you not got anybody else in your life who youcan turn to, if not ring a bereavement counselling helpline hun, they will help you. They have meetings where you can really meet some lovely people going through same.
Good luck and hugs to you
Altstadtweib
I am very sorry for your loss.
This is what helped me kind of through the days when my Grandma died to whom I was very, very close...
I put a picture up of my Grandma and everytime I walked by it I talked to her (out loud or quiet inside my head).
I also tried to talk with my relatives as often as possible about her and maybe that would help you too. Talk to your siblings. They probably feel the same way as you do, but they show it different.
There is no real good advice to get over the pain of loosing a parent. It may be that time might take some of the pain away...but you always will feel that emptyness and the love you felt for your Mom.
So, just talk to that picture that at least will help you somewhat and talking to your sibling will help too.
carolyn
Try and begin to think of your mum when you shared good times together and times when your mum was in better health.
Do try to think of the good parts of sharing your mum's life. Feel priviledged that your mum was a wonderful part of your life...... (The cup being half full is better than being left empty).
I have lost both of my parents and it is very very hard.. always and I don't think that you ever get over it in one way ... but in another way.. think about how your parents wouldn't like you to be ill now.. they would want you to continue and make your life a good life as best you can.
Keep your chin up and think about what you enjoy doing, rather than being heavily laden with sadness.
All the best of wishes on their way to you.
Carolyn
annie
Please accept my sympathy.
It must feel very lonely.
If you live near to your brothers you will at least have them to share the grief and talk about your mother together.
I have no idea how old you are or whether you work.
Try not to be alone too much. It sounds trite but having something to do will help take your mind off it for a little while at a time.
I know you don't want to forget your mother, I'm not suggesting that. Just that you forget the dreadful sorrow .
I hope you will soon feel better.
Skelli
Try getting some counseling. A counselor can give you appropriate ways to cope and deal with this situation. My suggestion is to focus more on your mom's life than her death. Talk to your siblings about how you feel because I'm sure they feel the same way. Share happy memories of your mom with each other.
I hope this helps and I'm sorry for your loss.
Nick
She's happy now. She's in a wonderful, beautiful place. And you'll see her again someday - I promise. Even until that day, she will always be with you in your heart.
Infinte Baller
talk with ur bros and freinds
Jim
One life ending means that other lives change, even begin anew. This is a challenge for you and your sibs. My 88-year old dad just died two months ago, so I know it's a challenge for you. It will take months before it goes away, normally.
Meanwhile, try to use this chance to mature and grow up stronger, to be the kind of embodiment of qualities that you valued in your mother, which were passed on to you by genetics and training.
For a couple of possibly helpful and even inspirational movies, see these: The Dead Girl ; and: My Life, Without Me.
Good Luck.
messinger1965
I suggest a support group.They know what your going through.
Oops your account has been suspe
there are no words that will make you feel better, only time.
Mark
grief counciling would be a good place to start
Jeff
I hate to say it, but it never gets easier. My wife lost her dad in May of 2005, and she still cries sometimes. There will be times in your life -- children born, weddings, graduations, holidays -- when you'll wish they'd have been there to see it.
Just remember the person. Keep their words and thoughts close to you and keep them in your mind when you need them. And most importantly, honor their memory by being the kind of person they were.
Perfectionist
i feel so much for you
try to talk as much as you can about her
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