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sophie0811
My friend is dying of cancer- I don't know what to say to him.?
I feel for you sophie. My 17yr old daughter is also dying from cancer after trying to fight it for the second time. my son also had cancer a yeasr ago and i did when i was 31. So the only advice i can give you is let him shout, scream, cry, say nothing or babble on. Just be there for him and try to treat him normally. I wish you well take care. X jen
The Original Highbury Gal
You dont need to say anything, but be there for him, listen when he speaks and dont dismiss anything he say's no matter how upsetting it is to hear.
Enjoy every minute you get to spend with him and make your time together as special and as memorable as you can.
Sometimes word's are never needed, it's just the simple things like knowing that your there for him.
My mum passed away on 6th jan 07 and i am so glad for every minute of every day that i got to spend with her, despite her being so ill, we talked about everything under the sun including her cancer, when mum wasn't up to talking we'd just lay on her bed and i'd hold her hand or brush her hair, this was our quality time and im so glad to have had that time with her, somehow it's made her passing slightly easier to bear!
Keep your chin up and be the best mate you can be,
God bless and take care
D F
I dont think he will want you to treat him differently,act as normal I would say
Champagne Paulie
I would tell him that you feel lost for words and encourage him to talk. Treat him the same as you always have, he will probably prefer that rather than you skirting around his diagnosis and not mentioning the "C" word. I found out that I had thyroid cancer the year before last and whereas it isn't terminal I am still receiving treatment. Friends and family seemed to have more of a problem with the diagnosis than I did and people would think of every word they could rather than say "cancer".
Stay strong for your friend and encourage him all you can.
troubled
Talk of the things you have always spoken of....let him talk about his condition when he is ready....and don't shy away from the subject....and don't be afraid to cry....My mum died of Cancer and at least you have time to say goodbye...don't lose your friend and have regrets about what you didn't say
greenfingers J
I'm afraid there's not alot you can say to that...........only be who you are to him, be strong ( i know you think yeah right) but any healing has he thought about? i can only think if it were me to have all around me that i love, have lots of photo's & ..............you can guess the rest x
rosydog2001
so sorry hun, butyou can be there for your friend and chat about whatever they want to, let them knwo how helpless you feel, and ask if theres anything you can say or do, to be of help at this time. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dorothy and Toto
Tell him there is still hope.
Five hundred years ago, people said the world was flat. Today, people say that if the FDA and AMA haven't blessed something, it can't be real good. Well, here's something I know to be real AND good. It's a little different take on cancer treatment--
In 1990, I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 3-B, but I've survived. My doctors were great people, but they were limited to surgery, chemo and radiation by profitable AMA treatment policy. During the year in treatment, I started learning about alternative medicine. I'm a retired engineer, and this is what I've pieced together--our IMMUNE SYSTEMS become weakened by poor nutrition, lack of exercise and reduced oxygen. Once that happens, our body becomes vulnerable to common STRESSORS. Stressors can be environmental, like viruses, heavy metals, pesticides, food additives, electromagnetic waves or pollution. They can be internal things like emotional or job stress, or poisonous people in our lives. Aging is also a contributing factor. So this means:
Our bodies have 60 trillion--yes, trillion--cells, and there are always some mutating into cancer cells, but a healthy immune system kills them before they have a chance to get a foothold in the body.
It takes a LONG time, usually, or a high level of stressors, to weaken the immune system to the point where it won't do its job, but once cancer has formed, it will generally spread rapidly.
THIS IS IMPORTANT! There are ways to BEAT cancer that are currently being used in Europe and around the world, and there are some great books on the subject. I know because I've read about 50 of them from cover to cover. Here's a list of the best ones. Some are out of print and getting hard to find--
"The Cure for All Cancers", ISBN 0963632825
"The Cure for All Advanced Cancers", ISBN 1890035165
"A Cancer Therapy", ISBN 0882681052
"Oxygen Therapies", ISBN 0962052701
"Hydrogen Peroxide--Medical Miracle", ISBN 1885236077
"The Natural Cure for Cancer--Germanium", ISBN 0533071410
"Killing Cancer", ISBN 0705000966
"Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You to Know About", ISBN 0975599518
I know of people whose cancer has 'spontaneously remitted' (WENT AWAY for no known reason) AFTER they went on programs of herbs and nutrition to restart their immune systems.
You and your family must look out for yourselves to stand a chance of being healthy. This is not a joke, and I'm not selling anything--just trying to help.
I am using the things I learned in those books right now to fight off a second infestation of cancer. I've been at it for over a year now, and think I'm going to make it. Use what works for you, and pass on your success. Best of luck.
Roxas of Organization 13
Tell him that you will be there for him, no matter what is happening.
K W
there is loads of literature u can read on whats right or inappropriate to say & u can call any cancer research group or try the hospices
PATRICK
just treat him as you would normally treat him
casady96
I don't know if you mean, he is sick or really dying with cancer. But i will say this, I lost a very good friend to Hodgkins, which is the most curable cancer there is, and he just wanted to keep living his life. He did eventually become so week he couldn't do much, but we just brought everything to him, the parties, the movies, you name it. He planned his own funeral, it was awesome. Everything was so touching and perfect, you could feel his presence in the church. You just knew he was okay. Don't treat your friend like he is sick, and don't talk about it unless he wants to talk about it. When I met my friend he was already sick, and he told me in his own time/way. We don't know when we will leave this world, not a definite date and time. Cancer has just made his dying more obvious. Remember the good times, and make many more.
My dad died from cancer. When he was diagnosed, it was already out of control, the first doctor refused to even treat him and would only say that he was terminal. The second doctor told him that he could only treat him, and hope to give him more months, never refered to years. My dad was a fighter and lived 1yr and 5 months after his initial diagnoses. He reached a point that he just wanted to enjoy his life. Give your friend this gift, happy times. That is the best thing you can do. Make a point of letting him know that you are there for him. There is really nothing you can say. You're sorry, well it isn't your fault. Just be a good friend.
William L
How much time does he have? Make the most out of the time you have left. Have you watch Hallmark Channel "Tuesdays with Morrie"?
Life goes on, time to make good memories, so he will continue to live on in you.
As long as a person is remembered fondly, he will never be forgotten!!
Pink n Wise
I am on second round of chemo at the moment.
I know how difficult it is for friends and family but just 'be there' for him and try and spend as much time with him as you can offering support.
Always remain positive, where there is life...theres hope.
Bless you both. xxx
minniemix
Its terrible to say, but my friend-(very sad I am) died 3 weeks ago of Pancreas, liver and Lung cancer, You have to be there for them.
Are they leaving a family member behind- a wife/husband, are children involved.
You have to be strong, don't feel sorry for them (I know that's harsh), but help them as much as you can.
Sorry to ask but has your friend got a Will?
Not the best thing I know, but my friend did not have, and know her husband has everything going to probate, until things are sorted out, (AS IF THINGS AREN'T HARD ENOUGH FOR HIM-WITHOUT THAT)
BE STRONG AND SORRY TO HEAR THERE IS YET ANOTHER PERSON SUFFERING FROM WHAT IS KNOWN AS THE BIG "C". YET THEY CAN SEND A MAN TO THE MOON, GOD WHY CAN'T THEY FIND A CURE FOR THIS HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DISEASE...
GOOD LUCK BE STRONG, MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU AND THERE FAMILY...
Pkr
The situation you face is very sensitive.
If all treatment has failed the only option left would be love and care supported by nutritious food and pain relieving medicines.
A terminally ill patient need all the love care and comfort of all his near and dear ones.
Never talk about the death or incident related to a tragedies to the patient.Try to talk all that is pleasant and soothing to hear.
Never leave the patient alone at the mercy of unconnected persons.
I appreciate your humanness. Hope any person in similar situation would appreciate your gesture.
juliepasson622
I was told I was dying of cancer with 0% chance. Most all of my friends left. They didn't know what to say, so they avoided me. Well, I did make it in remission, 7 years now. If I happen to run into one of them, they just say to me I thought you had died or I didn't know what to say. I would tell them, Hello is a good place to start.
Just being there for him is all the words you need. Actions speak louder than words!
You're a great friend! You don't have to talk about the cancer. If the subject comes up, then you can talk about it with him. It's great to let him be able to express his feelings. Don't ever stop him from talking about it. If he's not sensative about talking about the cancer, there's nothing wrong with expressing your feelings either. I loved when my family would be open up to me and tell me how they were feeling.
Just be there for him and tell him what he means to you.
antra
treat him the same and let him know you ll always be there for him the best you can do is cheer him up
Mountain Man
This is hard for every body. I can never seem to find the right words, but let your friend know you enjoy their friendship and company. Try to be with them as much as you can, it hurts I know, but a real friend is always there.
pickle.43@btinternet.com
Try and treat him as normal as possible. Talk about happy things and happy times. Don't dwell on his illness. Do as much as you can for him but don't push yourself on him. Be there for him and listen to anything he has to say. This is a difficult time for both of you, and he will realise that too, so if it arises, talk about it.
progunr
Tell him how much you care about him, make him laugh if the sitiation will allow it. Find a book, or cd or tape by Dr. Bernie Segel called "The power of love and laughter in healing". This will be a valuable item for both of you to read, or listen to.
mandaonice
just give him words of encouragement and let him know that he's not alone through all of this.
john l
Say HI and talk about anything else. this will take his mind off his condition. He knows he is dying and their is little that you can say or do for him. Just be their and give him support not sympathy.
timo_10143
Don't put off going to see him. It's gets harder the longer you wait. Go see him ASAP. It will do both of you some good and give you peace of mind.
Lyndell T
My daughter died recently from breast cancer, so I know what you must be feeling, you just be there for him, treat him like you have always treated him. talk to him about normal things and just make every second of his life count for something. Keep your pity and sadness hiden, just show that you are his friend through thick and thin, the good and the bad times. If he needs you to talk at any time be there. Even make future plans even small ones gives hope and most of all make him laugh tell him jokes, funny videos anything to keep his spirits up.
mlgable
Just say what you would normally say. Tell him about mutual friends and what is going on in your life. Offer to get him anything if he needs something. Sit quietly if that is all he wants. Most of all just be there. The most important thing is for your friend to know that you are still there for him.
freebird31wizard
Be direct and open. Tell him you don't know what to say. Tell him you are lost for words. Also, I found that many cancer patients do not really like the fact that laughing is suddenly forbidden the moment you are diagnosed. Of course there is very much grief and sadness, but that does not mean laughing is banned. keep that in mind. if you feel like laughing do so, if you feel like crying too... just be there... Wish you strenght...
Dr Frank
Don't be! He will need you as a friend just now perhaps more than he has ever done. So many people shy away from those who are dying, especially of cancer, and they are left alone in this time of great need. Partly it is embarrassment, partly it is fear, both of the disease they have, and because it reminds us of our own mortality.
Go see him, he is still the same person he was last year, last week or yesterday. He is not his disease.
mistyblue
It's very hard for you both. But there's nothing wrong with saying
"I don't know what to say"
When I first started nursing (back in the mists of time) A tutor, when telling us how to deal with giving bad news, gave the advice
"when there's nothing to say say nothing"
Which I have always found to be good advice.
A touch,a squeeze of the hand or even a hug can speak volumes.
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